The Bald and the Beautiful: 8 Good-Looking Baldies to Soothe Your Aging Head
Photo: Universal Pictures
It didn’t happen overnight, but it sure feels like that. One evening, you go to sleep. The next morning, you wake up, look in the mirror and are shocked…shocked!…to find your hairline has started to recede. It’s not your fault, there’s nothing you could have done. This was nature taking its natural course and, unfortunately, you were naturally selected to sport a bald head.
While your first instinct may be to do whatever it takes to restore your hair, we offer a simple, yet effective solution to all of your woes: Own it, brother! There are countless celebrities who are rocking the no-hair-don’t-care style. Whether by choice or by fate, these men have proven that, despite their millions of dollars and countless box office records, they’re still human, just like the rest of us. But instead of wallowing in their misery, they own their look and prove, once and for all, that bald is beautiful.
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LL Cool J
Ladies love Cool J. Of this, there is no doubt. They loved him in the ‘90s, and they love him still. LL has always had a certain swagger, whether he was rapping, starring in his own sitcom, or taking on the likes of Michael Myers or a computer-programmed shark. LL Cool J is one of the very first people to make being bald look badass.
Bruce Willis has been making baldness sexy since, like, the third Die Hard movie. And there’s hundreds of those. Early on in his career, Willis tried to stop his hairline from receding like it was Hans trying to blow up a skyscraper. He has since embraced his smooth head and even smoother one-liners. Yippee-ki-yay, indeed.
Mark Strong is the super cool-looking bald guy in the first Kingsman movie. Does that ring a bell? Listen, because this is important. If you’re feeling insecure about your lack of hair, just buy and wear a really good suit. Nothing takes the focus away from your baron head quite like a good suit.
While two other entries on our list may be trying to steal the Fast and the Furious franchise away from him, Vin Diesel is the godfather of the series and he was the first badass in a franchise full of them. Want to know what made him look so cool, even in the first film? It wasn’t his cars, his tight black T-shirts or his cross necklace. It was his bald head. That look said "I’m too busy being a real-life superhero; I don’t have time to worry about hair." There is no way old Dominic Toretto would have been as intimidating with a pompadour. Dom needed to be bald. What he didn’t need to do was drive a car out of a freakin' airplane!
For WWE fans, this name will be familiar. For everyone else, he’s Drax. Regardless of what medium you see him via, Bautista proves time and time again that in order to be a pro wrestler or a destroyer, you need to be bald. Batista doesn’t let his hairline define him; he lets his clothes, his facial hair, and his belly-button tattoo do that. That’s the trick, by the way. If you find yourself missing some hair up top, just grow some on your face. Bald men with beards are like kryptonite for many women. Of course, you probably don’t have the same muscle mass or bank account as Bautista, but still.
We’ve said it once and we will say it a thousand times: Billy Zane is one of the most attractive men in Hollywood. We don’t even care. We’ll shout it from the rooftops if we need to. Billy Zane (of Titanic bad guy fame) has owned his hairline for years. While he looked dapper as Cal Hockley in Titanic, it just wasn’t the Zane that we knew. Demon Knight, a horror-comedy from that same year, offered a better glimpse of just how seductive, suave, and sans-hair Zane really was. Honestly, the guy literally hangs out with male models. How can you argue against this man? You can’t. Zane wins. Zane always wins.
For further proof that beard + suit > hair, look no further than Vin Diesel’s old friend, Jason Statham. This guy is the epitome of cool. He has the swagger, the saunter, and the suits. Statham proves that it’s the man who makes the hair. We’re not sure how he does it, but he has perfected the bald head/facial hair combo. Whether he’s battling sharks, Melissa McCarthy, or our last entry, Jason Statham shows that bald is, indeed, the most beautiful thing in the world.
If you don’t think The Rock is an extremely good-looking bald dude, we will lay the smack down on you. Or, we’ll sit you in a chair and force you to stare at pictures of The Rock from 1996. That hair was wild. Since that time, Dwayne Johnson has put up the longest fight against male-pattern baldness, but he finally broke the pattern at about the same time he started breaking a billion box office records. The Rock is one of the highest-paid celebrities in all of Hollywood and he became that way because of hard work, determination, and a really, really nicely shaped head. The Rock shows that a no-hair-don’t-care kind of attitude can turn you into a legend.