Tom Cruise is mysterious

Employees on the Paramount Pictures lot in Hollywood were surprised yesterday to see the building opposite Soundstage 17 completely covered in black canvas so no one could watch Tom Cruise walk from his trailer to the set of Mission Impossible 3. Says a source:

This is not OK. I need light and I need to be able to find the door.”

No, sir, what you need is a book with an exploding volcano on the cover. The door that will open won’t lead you to any office. Except – get this – maybe the office of the soul. The light you’re looking for, well, let’s just say you wont need lights where we’re going. Darkness isn’t brought about by giant black tarps my friend. It’s brought about by engrams in your mind planted by aliens. Luckily, a sciene fiction writer can show you how to battle the aliens. So, we caught a break there.