The Dukes of Hazard movie will not be released

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It might not the greatest idea in the world to get legal council from someone whose email starts with “SmoothB” (although Anton Scalia’s email is BadMuthaFukka19, so maybe I should) but worldly reader and local heartbreaker Tom sent in two stories yesterday in regards to an injunction that went down yesterday afternoon and will prevent Warner Brothers from releasing the feature version of The Dukes of Hazard, previously due out August 5th. The full public record can be found on the website for the Federal District Court for the Central District of California. The heart of the record says the following:

“Order by Judge Gary A. Feess: granting motion for preliminary injunction. WHEREFORE, IS IT HEREBY ORDERED that … Warner Brothers … (is) preliminarily enjoined during the pendencey of this action from preparing producing, editing, distributing, advertising, exploiting, copying, publishing, or licensing, for theatrical sequels based on or derived from the feature motion picture “Moonrunners”

Moonrunners is the 1975 movie that is credited as the premise for the Dukes of Hazard, and they were so similiar they both even featured Waylon Jennings as the narrator. I never saw that movie because I hadn’t been born yet and also because, based on a recent poll of my grandparents, I’m adorable and a precious angel and shouldn’t watch movies like that, although you’d never know it by reading my t-shirt with a kitten in sunglasses on it and the phrase “Here Comes Trouble!”.

Below is a screen cap of part of the Judges directive, which is worth reading just to see the phrase “Jessica Simpson is extremely hot right now” written down in a legal document to be recorded in the halls of justice forever. And thanks again to Tom who pretty much did all the work on this. Although it wouldn’t have killed him to write some funny jokes, unlike the crap I threw out here. Jeez, I don’t wanna throw around the word “lazy”, but…

Note – I do feel compelled to mention that The Dukes of Hazard website is still up, which would seem to violate the advertising portion of this injunction, so I can’t say for sure how serious this sort of thing is. It may happen all the damn time for all I know. I tried asking my life-size Torie Wilson cut-out about it, but she was all oiled up and only had one thing on her mind, baby.