The Mandatory Guide to Getting Responsibly Blotto Drunk This St. Patty’s Day

Getting drunk has never been more important. Because getting properly blotto on St. Patty’s Day (we’re talking mistaking-a-raccoon-for-a-leprechaun-and-chasing-it-into-the-bushes drunk) is our superpower. And while the coronavirus has been our kryptonite for way too long, this year it’s time to fight back the only way we know how: hammered out of our gourd.

But with great power comes great responsibility. Getting blisteringly drunk during a pandemic comes with a few house rules. St. Patty’s Day may officially be here, but with parades being canceled left and right, there are only so many ways we can flex our greatest muscle.

How can we have the good time we so desperately need while still being able to look at ourselves in the mirror the next day? (For being safe and socially conscientious not for drunk dialing our ex while puking in the shoe closet.)

Well, friend, you must have the luck of the Irish today because you’ve just stumbled upon the Mandatory Guide to Getting Responsibly Blotto On St. Patty’s Day 2021. The only safety guide backed by both the Society of Soused Seamen and Moms Against Drinking Alone. These safety standards have been rigorously tested by our team of town drunks so that you could have the hangover you deserve on March 18.

But no need to thank us. Just get out there (as far away from others as possible) and drink responsibly ’til you can’t feel your legs. Happy St. Patty’s Day!

Cover Photo: Deagreez (Getty Images)

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