New Year, Old Flame: Clever Ways to Respond When Your Ex Comes Back Around
It’s a new year and you’re ready to hit refresh on your relationships. 2020 is when you finally let go of meaningless hookups and unrequited attraction to instead focus on finding true love. Unfortunately, your ex didn’t get the memo. They’re back in bold fashion, sliding into your DMs or filling up your phone with “I miss you” and “Can we talk?” messages. Tempting though it may be to slip into old habits, make this the year you don’t take the bait. We’ve come up with 14 clever ways to respond when your ex comes back around, because you can’t move forward if you’re dragging the dead weight of the past.
Cover Photo: Deagreez (Getty Images)
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Tell them you’re celibate.
Let’s be honest: one of the most common reasons exes start sniffing around is because they want to get laid. Take sex off the table and watch how quickly they disappear.
Send them a sexy pic…
…of you with your new hot partner. Ouch.
Respond in another language.
Or a close approximation of another language. Make sure you include plenty of curse words.
Announce your engagement.
Who cares if it’s true or not. For all they know, you could be on the verge of marriage. But they’ll never get close enough to you again to find out.
Say you've switched teams.
Hell, maybe you always played for the other team. Leave them guessing.
Barrage them with unfunny memes.
They won’t know what hit them.
Send a slew of poop emojis.
Why? Because their behavior is bullshit.
There’s nothing more terrifying than someone who’s memorized Bible passages. Plus, it will confuse the fuck out of them.
Drop the 'L' word.
Love is a four-letter word and it is deadly to exes. It doesn’t matter how you phrase your amorous confession. You will be blessed with radio silence.
Put it on paper.
Write down everything you wish you could say to your ex, then burn it.
Get someone else to do the dirty work for you.
What else are friends for?
Be brutally honest.
It takes a lot of balls to do this, but hopefully it will be the cold shower they need and will kill all conversation forevermore. Say, “I’m not interested in communicating with you. Please do not contact me again.” Do not explain or apologize.
If your ex is toxic, non-response is the only appropriate response to their incessant reappearances. Toxic exes will jump on any chance to engage, so trying to be rational with them won’t work. You’ll just end up in a conflict spiral. So shut it and let them figure it out on their own.
Block them. Everywhere.
When you’re ready to get serious about cutting ties with an ex, blocking is the way to go. Find them on every imaginable social media platform and block their sorry ass. Set up a filter on your email so their messages go straight to trash, marked read (so you won’t be tempted to dumpster dive). Block their phone number to stop calls and texts – or go scorched Earth on them and change your phone number. That'll show 'em.