Honest Advice: How to Date a Trump Supporter Without Losing That Loving Feeling
Maybe it was the moonlight. Or the perfect breeze. Or the gallons and gallons of jello shots you consumed that night. Whatever it was, somehow you stumbled into the arms of a MAGA hat-wearing narcissist who hates cats and despises Mexicans, even though her favorite food is tacos (and her favorite song is still Despacito). Not surprisingly, after a few dates, the relationship hit rock-bottom and now you’re at your wit’s end trying to figure out some way to save it. Well, you’ve come to the right place, because we have some battle-tested advice on how to date a Trump supporter. So dry your weary eyes and fret no longer, for life is about to get a whole lot better.
Photo: Boston Globe / Contributor (Getty Images)
Honest timeline: When Your Girlfriend Goes Out of Town
Talk About It
Conversation is the glue that holds the world together. By talking about your point of view with respect and empathy, you can begin to make progress in the I’m-dating-a-shit-head department and eventually reach some sort of understanding. Maybe-ish.
Practice the Art of Selective Hearing
On the other hand, it’s probably best to not remember every little detail of your conversations together. Like how bae thinks the deficit increasing is a good thing. Or how bae hates democratic socialism even though she just hashtagged #Godblessthefirefighters, sent a Thanksgiving card through the mail, and drove to your house via a public road. What was it she said about guns for children? That’s right, let the memories rot away into dust.
Funny can bring people together instantly. That's why every culture in the world has laughter. Start laughing at bae's racist and culturally insensitive jokes and you'll be surprised how quickly things improve for the worse.
Take a Face-Slapping Class
Nothing will bond you and your Trump-supporting lover faster than a six-week face-slapping course. Not only will you learn the subtle art of slapping face, you'll come to understand your bae in deep and fundamental ways.
Drink Heavily Between Encounters
Stay loose and slightly blacked out by slugging tall boys on your way from the kitchen to the dining room table or throwing back fingers of Scotch from bathroom to bed. This will keep you mentally limber (and non-judgmental) so you can keep that relationship thriving!
Join a Misogynistic Old White Man's Club
Get cultured. Seriously. You've always wanted to know what makes a boys' club tick. Now's your chance. Get in there and learn some stuff.
Every relationship is an opportunity to grow as a human being. Maybe this is just the opportunity you've been waiting for. After this, you'll be a f*cking giant.
Take a Walk
Blowing off a little steam can be done with a simple walk around the block. Not only does it create a nice bit of space between you and your partner, but it will give you time to figure out which hedgerow to hide behind when shit hits the fan.
Breaking bread is historically proven to bring opposing sides together. Just look at Jesus and Judas. Or the Pilgrims and those welcoming indigenous people. It worked for them.
Take an Interest In Their Hobbies
Don't make it all about you. Give a little. If your bae is pro-life, picket a Planned Parenthood together. If she's really into assault rifles, learn to shoot. Stop being so selfish and try a little harder.
Join a Boxing Gym
All that pent-up aggression is going to need to go somewhere. Channel your rage into a heavy bag or unsuspecting sparring partner. After 90 minutes in the ring, you won’t care what your partner says, does, or even thinks. You will most likely arrive home, collapse in bed, and not even notice the campaign donation she’s currently making to Great America PAC.
Don't Talk Politics
If this seems a little contradictory to our earlier advice, it's only because it is. It might be that the only way to coexist with someone who has completely different morals and ethics than you is to never talk about anything ever. What's on Netflix right now?
Get a Lobotomy
OK, we’re going to level with you. As much as we want to believe that love is blind and all beings are interconnected by a web of peace and understanding, there are serious exceptions to the rule. Things probably aren’t going to last between you and your partner if your idealogical points of view share very little common ground. So, unless you plan on converting, walk away before you lose another day with Ms. Wrong. Your future self (and all your friends and family) will thank you for it.