7 Reasons Hot Yoga Might Not Be the Hottest Idea For You This Summer
Hot yoga gets a bad rap, rightfully so (it’s a ridiculous fitness craze). Maybe it’s the rabid heat making you sweat in crevices you didn’t know you had. Or perhaps it’s the seemingly pretentious yogis in stretchy pants who casually vegan-fart in your direction while a poorly-placed houseplant hits you in the face. Having said that, if you’re going to get swamp ass this summer, you might as well stretch. But there are plenty of reason to try hot yoga, we’re just not sure it’s the hottest idea for you. Let’s find out.
Cover Photo: VladOrlov (Getty Images)
Honest Timeline: Your First Futile Attempts at Hot Yoga
It’s Only Over 100 Degrees
Walking into a hot yoga studio is normally like entering the depths of hell, but today it's walking from one circle of hell into a deeper circle. Fantastic.
Bask in the Glory of Yoga Legends
His aura will change your life. His gait will leave you breathless. He might sleep with your girlfriend in front of you.
You're Not As Flexible As You Think
Just saying, if you can't touch your toes (without cheating), this is not going to end well for you, my friend.
They Let Anybody In
It's hard to tell a yogi from a hobo most days. Not even sniffing them does the trick anymore. Enter our latest fashion: Hobo Chic.
The Teacher Isn't Quite Your Type
All your life you've been searching for the yin to your yang, but let's face it, you're more likely to pass out and pee your mat than find namaste as a novice.
You Might Die
It's hard to tell if some people are in child's pose or just straight up dying and too damn proud to admit it. Bring water. Let's rephrase that: Don't be the one asshole who doesn't bring water.
You'll Never Stop Sweating
You might think it's over when class is done but you'll just continue to sweat. Be sure to replenish because there's a good chance the hot farts, dizzy spells and blacking out will continue with you long after you've left.
Namaste, mother f***ers.