The 15 Kinds Of Females You’ll Meet at Any Music Festival This Summer
Photo: Gpointstudio (Getty Images)
Finding love on the fairgrounds of your favorite music festival is a magical prospect that can take your weekend from plain old awesome to “best weekend ever.” And while beautiful women abound, it’s important to zero in on a compatible match if you want to increase your chances of Cupid’s arrow finding you in the mess of sweaty, dancing bodies.
Below is a list of archetypes you will encounter at your next music festival. Cut through the noise and pinpoint the woman that’s right for you before entering the fray, and we guarantee your odds of finding love will be so good, you’ll phone your bookie in Vegas just to bet on yourself.
The 24-Hour Headbanger
Even if the music stops, she never will. We salute you, headbanger.
The Belly Dancer
This woman is super rad. Just don't anger Jabba the Hutt with your obvious staring.
She's there on a mission to fulfill a brand endorsement obligation and will probably be gone before the sun goes down. If real life is anything like Notting Hill, you've got a future.
The 'Maiden Voyage On Molly' Gal
She may awaken your inner nostalgia and as a bonus, is really easy to amuse.
The 'I'm Just Here For The Music' Fan
She can name all the session musicians from Bowie's Aladdin Sane, has a McIntosh tube amp at home, and is strictly there for the music. You might hit it off if you know your shit, but be careful -- she can sniff a poser from across the fairgrounds.
Admire her from afar, gentlemen, she might as well be the moon.
The Love Seeker
Whatever her backstory, she entered the festival with one goal: fall in love with some random guy. Good thing you did squats this morning.
The 'Over It' Gal
Don't take it personally. She thinks ice cream is stupid.
The Casually Peaking User
She handles herself like a champ. When she comes down, ask her who her drug dealer is -- that looks like some good shit.
The Sad Clown
Her friends dragged her out, made her put on an over-the-top outfit, and then ditched her by the Ferris wheel. She's a barrel of laughs when she's not dying inside.
The 'I'm Going To Need A Minute' Gal
Everyone is hoping it will pass soon, but she's been at it for hours. If you're built anything like a tree, you're totally in!
She's way into her buds, her vapes, her oils, her hash powders, and getting as stoned as possible for the next three days. She'll be happy to share a joint with you, or have a bite of your weed cookie.
The Hot Model
Insanely hot, barely covered in body paint, and probably disappearing into the VIP area very soon.
The Super Girlfriend
She looks like a ton of fun, but all that spunky good-time energy is directed squarely at her boyfriend. Nice one, dude!
The Travels-In-Packs Woman
She's über sexy, but good luck making a connection. This weekend, she's more heavily guarded than Fort Knox. And if you make it past the front door, her friends will descend on you like the death gauntlet from The Running Man.
Good luck and remember what the Irish say: faint of heart never won fair lady. Summer, here we come!