Pillow Talk: 11 Lines You Should Never Use After Sex (Or Ever!)
Photo: John Sommer (Getty Images)
Some guys seem to lose their filters along with their body fluids when hooking up. If there’s ever a time to bite your tongue, it’s after sex. You’re relaxed, satisfied, and apt to say whatever’s on your mind, which is not necessarily a good thing.
Before you put your foot in your mouth and risk never getting naked with her again, review our 11 things you should never say during that precious post-coital period otherwise known as “pillow talk.”
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'You're overdue for a pedicure.'
You should be grateful that a woman let you see and touch any part of her body. Keep any feedback, critiques, or criticism to yourself. (After all, have you taken a look at your nasty ass lately?)
'What's that smell?'
It's sex. Bodies do things. Just let the unpleasant odors, um, pass.
'What's your name again?'
Again, this is information you should have gotten sooner -- and committed to memory.
'Does this look normal to you?'
If it were normal, you wouldn't be asking. Keep the questions about your gnarly mole where they belong -- in the doctor's office.
'You're on the pill, right?'
To assume makes an ass out of you and me. It might also make you a father if you're not careful. Whether or not she's on birth control is information you should have asked for before you got down and dirty. Now you better be prepared to spring for Plan B.
'How many men have you slept with?'
Do you really want to know? How are you going to feel when you find out her number is dozens higher than yours -- and that she's comparing your performance to that of your predecessors? "Don't ask, don't tell" is the only way to go here.
'I think I'm going to be sick.'
Better to escape to the bathroom silently and with as much dignity as you can muster, then turn the faucet on before puking your guts out.
'Make me a sandwich.'
If you have to demand it, you haven't earned yourself a sandwich.
'Did you come?'
In a perfect world, you'd be an expert in how her body works and you'd recognize all the signs that indicated she had an orgasm. But we live in reality and, for most women, this is an impossible question. If she didn't come, she'll either have to lie and say "yes" to save your pride or she'll have to be honest and make you feel bad. A better question would be, "Are you good?" It leaves wiggle room for her to acknowledge that she had a good time even if she didn't orgasm. Sometimes a gal just can't get there (maybe she's tired, distracted, uncomfortable, or needs to be in love for that to happen) and it's no one's fault.
'You better go. My girlfriend will be back any minute.'
We can't even with this one. But we hope she slaps you.
'Bring your sister next time.'
You don't deserve one woman, much less two.