The 10 Beer Commandments For Sports Fans
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As the warm weather continues to increase, so do the opportunities to drink beer, especially at sporting events. But where do you draw the line between a reliable, fun, drinking buddy and fanatic capable of destroying an entire season?
It’s baseball season, basketball season, hockey season, soccer season, and beer season. Live by the following commandments and your friends, family and fellow fans will thank you.
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1. Thou shalt never drink the hometown beer of your rivals.
If you're a Cardinals fan, don't go to a game and order Pabst Blue Ribbon. And if you're a Cubs fan, we're sorry.
2. Thou shalt never drink after the third quarter (seventh inning, second period, etc.)
You don't want to be the guy who's too drunk to get home. Or alienate an entire seating section for being a slob.
3. Thou shalt only dump your beer for the following:
A) You're holding a baby and a ball is coming at you. B) You're dumping your suds on a fan making a racist or sexist remark. C) You're "spilling" your beer on a team member of the opposing team (i.e. Ryan Braun).
4. Thou shalt never, ever, 'Dilly, Dilly.'
And if you do, ensure you're saying it while holding a Bud Light, using the term tongue-in-cheek. On second thought, you shouldn't be drinking Bud Light either.
5. Thou shalt not 'shotgun,' chug, or destroy any brew worth more than $2.
You're not in college anymore. Be an adult. Splurge for the flavor you can savor.
6. Thou shalt consume the same number of beers as the miles you ran.
Sit on the couch all day? Better go with a single, Michelob Ultra. Run a marathon? 26.2 beers, it is!
7. Thou shalt drink the beer equivalent to your team's playoff success.
According to DelphiHealthGroup, most fans drink more when their team advances in the playoffs, with Celtics fans leading the league in playoff drinking (although that may now change, thanks to the Bucks). It makes sense. Win? And celebrate gloriously. Lose? And drink yourself to sleep. Just make sure you have a designated driver, friends.
8. Thou shalt buy your friends a round of beers (when possible).
Sharing is caring. You get what you give. So, buy your fellow fans a "round" if you have the means.
9. Thou shalt never drink more than your significant other.
You're at the game to have a good time and cheer on your team. At the same time, don't get arrested, leaving your significant other broke, bailing you out of jail.
10. Thou shalt douse yourself (and your neighbor) with as much beer as possible if your team goes all the way.
If your team wins the championship? Go crazy. Just have a sparkling insurance policy.
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Josh Helmuth is a sports reporter in St. Louis who contributes to Mandatory.