Next Level Threads: Be Festive For St. Patty’s Without Looking Like A Green Dirtbag
Photo: Master1305 (Getty Images)
Just say no to dressing like a St. Patty’s Day douche. You’re a man now, dawg. You’re a grownup with a job and some semblance of a savings account. So why is it that you choose to dress like a dimestore leprechaun to get wasted beyond belief on March 17? There’s a ton of ways to avoid becoming a St. Patrick’s Day “don’t” and we’re here to help prevent this nightmare from becoming your reality. You’ll thank us for it when you drunkenly ask a woman for her number and she doesn’t eye-roll your ass to hell.
Do: Chic Kelly Green Sweaters
You should already have versatile green pieces in your wardrobe. If you somehow have avoided this, try a basic sweater that can be worn year round. The H2H Casual Slim Fit Pullover sells for about $30. Likewise, their Casual Slim Fit Cardigan will make sure you look respectable and educated while you search your brain for the word "beer."
Don't: Anything Metallic Or Costumey
You're too old to be dressing like a flashy leprechaun. Avoid this entirely.
Do: Bright Green Polo Shirts
The polo shirt is something you can wear forever. Even if green isn't your color, an emerald-hued polo can be something you turn to when you haven't done laundry. Logeeyar's Slim Fit Polo Shirt is affordable, comes in a bright green in both long and short sleeves. This makes it perfect for whatever weird weather global warming has in store for your neck of the woods.
Don't: Clever Green T-Shirts That You Wear Once A Year
Oh, you're wearing a St. Patrick's themed shirt that talks about kissing or being Irish? How novel. Just burn these gimmicks and grow the hell up this year.
Do: Thematic Caps You Can Wear All Year
If you're going to buy a hat to pull together your St. Patrick's Day, don't cut corners. Brands like New Era design St. Patrick's themed caps around your favorite teams. This way you don't look like an idiot and you support sustainable fashion.
Photo: New Era
Don't: Stupid Green Throwaway Hats
Please say no to any sort of stupid green hat you purchase at the dollar store. Not only does it not look cute, but it's throwaway fashion that will spend a few hours on your head and then the rest of its life in a landfill. Plus, more than anything, it's just a tacky place for you to barf when the line to the bathroom is too long.
Do: Stylish Green Sunglasses
Not to go all Corey Hart "sunglasses at night" on you, but St. Patrick's Day is on a Sunday this year. So this very special episode will be more of a Sunday Funday. Because of that, you'll likely be bar hopping during the day and a fresh pair of green sunglasses like Zenni Optical's Premium Square Sunglasses 112824 will work well with anything, including that insufferable green beer you'll be pounding.
Photo: Zenni Optical
Don't: Stupid Plastic Beer Goggles
Realistically, if you're drinking enough, you're going to actually be wearing beer goggles. Wearing these atrocities is just going to make it harder for you to recognize that you're hitting on your boss' daughter.
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Have you matured past green beads and poorly-fitting plastic green hats? Let us known what you’ll be wearing to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day!