Cheater Cheater: 7 Unfortunate Events To Follow Ruining Your Relationship
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So, cheater, you couldn’t keep it in your pants and didn’t talk about how bad things were with your significant other. Now you exist in that otherworldly hell better known as the post-cheating blues. Your penis might have won the battle, but your life loses the war. If you don’t believe us, here’s a list of the worst things to expect when she catches you stepping out.
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Newly Established Turf War
Well, your idiotic decisions have lead you down a dark path. Now you can never set foot into that cheap-ass dive bar she showed you because that bouncer who always flirted with her will stonewall the hell out of you. Which is just another reason you should have broken up with her when you wanted to stray or simply kept it in your pants.
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The Social (Media) Punishment
Being a cheater is one thing, but having to watch your significant other move on and find love in a public forum is punishment enough. Worse than that, if she’s scorned, she may post about your indiscretion(s) or, uh, shortcomings.
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That Bed Belongs To Her Now
Along with most of the furniture and possibly the apartment if you’re living together. Now that rent prices are so GD high, you probably regret a variety of choices that landed you furniture-less, homeless, and crashing on your friend Dave’s sleeper sofa.
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You've Divided Your Friend Group
So you cheated and everyone knows. This is going to cause a rift in your shared friends. Obviously, your closest friends will have your back, but what about the stragglers who wanted a chance with her? Exactly. Enjoy watching her play the field in your friend group if she’s so inclined.
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Shared Custody of Your Child-Pets
Since millennials are less likely to start a family, you won’t have to go to court to deal with custody of your children. However, you’ve now entered into a fate worse than dealing with children: divided custody of your shared pets. So keep your rescue Ripper in mind the next time you think about hooking up with that hot piece who you’ve been DMing with.
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The Death Sentence Known as Dating Apps
Hooray. You ruined everything but you can bang anyone you want. Please buckle up for the most tedious ride of your life…swiping left or right on dating apps. Eventually, you’ll match with someone who will ignore your messages and un-match you for no reason. Which is obviously what you deserve for being unfaithful.
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No More Back Scratches While You Rock Yourself to Sleep
Breaking up is hard to do, but not impossible. That said, you’re sleeping alone for the foreseeable future. You might even find someone to fill her empty spot in bed, but it will take a while to find someone to fill that emotional void. Anyways, you should probably take the time to implement a self-care routine instead of leaving it up to the ladies in your life.
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What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened as a result of your cheating? Share your sad-ass stories in the comments!