Maybe it’s just us, but we prefer the kind of friend who buys you a beer instead.
According to the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, a 57-year-old Waukesha man said he never thought killing a man with a hatchet would be “so noisy.”
Philip “Nicky” Holland said he and his “friend” Timothy Minkley smoked some weed the night of September 13, and it must have been some really good shit – rare for Wisconsin – because Minkley overslept the next morning and was late for work.
Minkley blamed Holland for it, and a heated argument ensued. At some point, Holland decided to bring the argument to an end by going into “kill mode” and hitting Minkley in the head with a hatchet…wait for it…nine times.
Holland left Minkley in the apartment, hopped on his bicycle and pedaled to the Fox River, where he was captured by security cameras throwing the hatchet into the water. It was found by police a few days later, and Holland was charged with first-degree intentional homicide.
Also a crime in Waukesha these days? You guessed it: Crushing your friend’s anti-seizure pills into a white powder and snorting it to get high, something that Holland admitted to doing only after police noticed a white residue on his nose when they interviewed him.
It’s a lot funnier when a guy gets hit in the balls with the dull side of an ax: Here’s A Physics Teacher Getting Hit In The Nuts With An Ax