Jessica Simpson Is Very Mature

Ever since she divorced Nick Lachey in 2005, Jessica Simpson has told anyone who would listen that whoever she was dating at the time was “the one” and that she’s “never been happier”. However, it’s been a well known secret in Hollywood for years that she’s a functioning alcoholic (here and here) who desperately clings to any semblance of affection. She’s already ran off Tony Romo and John Mayer, and she has already hinted at marriage with her current boyfriend, Eric Johnson (you know, the guy whose divorce was just finalized). Yet, her ex-husband Nick Lachey, has quietly been in a committed relationship with Vanessa Minnillo (BAM!) for the last four years. But as the law of averages suggest, it was only a matter of time before they ran into Jessica Simpson at a restaurant. I bet you’ll never guess what happened! Us Magazine reports:

When a surprised Jessica Simpson spotted ex-husband Nick Lachey just three tables away at L.A. eatery Red O Oct. 21, she had not-so-kind words for his dinner date Vanessa Minnillo, witnesses tell the new Us Weekly. Simpson, 30, (dining with beau Eric Johnson, mom Tina and four other pals) didn’t greet Lachey; instead, an observer tells Us, she angrily told her server: “‘I hope Vanessa likes her clothes because I bought them for her, since Nick took all my money.” (She and Lachey, 36, divorced in 2005.) A Simpson confidante adds that the star “got nervous” when Lachey and his love of four years Minnillo, 29, unexpectedly showed up. “It was very weird and awkward.” Indeed, another Red O witness tells Us she “got really loud and started drinking margaritas and doing shots of tequila” to deal with her former spouse’s presence.

Wow, an overweight, bitter drunk who can’t move on from her ex. Man, how did Eric Johnson land this?! Just lucky I guess!