Jake and Reese Need to Stop

Jake Gyllenhaal’s publicist must not be part of the WGA, because according to a “leaked” report, Reese Witherspoon allegedly turned down a marriage proposal from Gyllenhaal. A source says:

Reese says it is just too soon after her divorce from Ryan to think about marrying again. She is madly in love with Jake, but her divorce just became final, and she doesn’t want to rush into anything. Reese wants to take things very slowly because of her two young children. She doesn’t want anything to upset or disrupt them. It took her a while to introduce them to Jake – she didn’t want them to know they were a couple until they were definitely serious about each other.”

Wow, this is genius. When they “break up” in two months, they’ll already have an excuse. An excuse other than Jake Gyllenhaal is gay and likes to taste test penis. When asked about the proposal, Jake Gyllenhaal wiped the corners of his mouth and said, “Mmmmmm.”