Quiz: Would You Be A Successful Drug Dealer?

Breaking Bad is undeniably one of the coolest shows on TV. Why is it one of the coolest show? Because like all good drama, it causes the viewer to ask, “What would I do in this situation?”

Luckily, we here at CRAVE ONLINE have developed a little quiz to help you figure out just exactly how good of a drug dealer you could be. Are you the next Walter White, lord of their own Meth Empire, or are you just peddling Ritalin behind the jungle bars (as where all Ritalin is dealt).

Find out here!


1. You wife, girlfriend, or significant other discovers a dramatic upswing in cash you seem to carry. You tell them:

a.) I won it playing blackjack.

b.) I sold my comic book collection.

c.) I traded my gold for cash.

d.) This cash? I don’t know what you’re talking about. Go f*ck yourself.


2. Acidic residue has eaten through the giant low-oxidized aluminum vat you use to make meth; you:

a.) Halt delivery and order a new vat, thereby costing you thousands.

b.) Cook what you can and set up a proximity station across town.

c.) Hijack a rival’s shipment to buy you time.

d.) Screw it. Just cover it up with some tape. We’ve got drugs to make.


3. A rival Dealer sent you a threatening message. You:

a.) Ignore it.

b.) Call in the cavalry, it’s time to go to war.

c.) High-tail it out of town.

d.) Instagram them a photo of your genitals with a message saying, “come and get it.”


4. One of your dealers on the street was just caught by the cops; you:

a.) Worry they might rat you out.

b.) Don’t worry. His silence is paid for.

c.) He should have been smarter, he’s on his own.

d.) Don’t worry because you have his vintage copy of Amazing Spider-man #122 when Gwen Stacey is killed by the Green Goblin. And if he talks, the book is toast.


5. Many drug dealers/crime lords have great nicknames, example; Walter White = Heisenberg, Al Capone = Scarface. What would yours be?

a.) The Hammer.

b.) The Wolf.

c.) The Crucifer.

d.) Professor Oodlepoop.


6. The Mayor urges a public crack down on drugs; you:

a.) Lay-low for a while.

b.) Respond with pushing more product onto the street.

c.) Concoct an elaborate plan to replace the Mayor with one of your own men.

d.) Leave a flaming bag of dogsh*t on the Mayors door step every day of the week so we gets the message.


7. Who do you see as your main influence for drug dealing?

a.) Walter White.

b.) Mickey Cohen.

c.) Pablo Escobar.

d.) Cracked-out Ray Liotta in the last half of Goodfellas. We needed that money, Karen!


8. Now that you’ve got some extra money to throw around, what kind of inconspicuous car do you drive?

a.) Keep the same car. Never can be too careful.

b.) Something modest, maybe a Range Rover.

c.) Lamborghini Diablo.

d.) The 1960’s Adam West Batmobile. With rockets.


9. Hundreds of thugs are storming your hideout to take you down à la Scarface. What is your final line of movie dialogue before you take on the hired guns all by yourself?

a.) “Say hello to my little friend!”

b.) “Yippie-Ki-Yay, Motherf*cker!”

c.) “Come get some!”

d.) “Quack! Quack! Quack! Flying V!”


CRAVE ONLINE does not endorse the sale or abuse of illegal drugs. In fact, we don’t know anything about any drugs. Nope. Never. So don’t even ask… so, if you had drugs right now, we’d be all like, ‘hey… you… please, um, stop, I guess.’