mask mandate

Airlines Drop Mask Mandate, Travelers Scramble For Classic (And New) Ways to Be a Dick

Now that a federal judge struck down the CDC‘s mask mandate for airplanes, travelers are going to have to go back to classic ways of being dicks on planes. As a result, the Biden administration intends to appeal the mask mandate decision. Karens throwing embarrassing tantrums 20,000 feet in the air for simply preventing the spread of the plague was the ultimate form of being a dick, but why ignore the classics?

Trying to Open the Cabin Door

As it should happen, a Karen recently got hit with the highest FAA fine after she attacked the crew and tried to open the cabin door like William Shatner in The Twilight Zone. Hilariously, her outburst resulted in her getting duct-taped to her seat. The FAA said Karen “repeatedly” hit one of the crew members on the head and proceeded to bite, headbutt, and kick other airplane passengers.

Kicking the Back of the Seat of a Sleeping Passenger

Air travel was always a cringy and uncomfortable thing before a deadly plague. Airlines pretty much skimp on everything, charge you for trivial things, and you wind up getting crammed into seats next to a bunch of equally disgruntled passengers. But the ultimate dick move is to start doing the Can-Can on the back of the seat of a sleeping passenger.

Not Bathing or Eating a Big Mexican Lunch Before a Long Flight

Long gone are the days when Americans wouldn’t leave the house without wearing a three-piece suit or a dress. We’ve pretty much been messy-looking slobs for decades now, but the pandemic made pants seemingly obsolete. Also, bathing sort of has become optional now that most Americans work remotely. But these post-pandemic norms really shouldn’t apply to air travel. In other words, maybe don’t decide to hop on the Peleton for a quick workout and then head to the airport. Worse yet, please consider avoiding spicy Mexican food before a long flight. You really don’t want to find yourself on a no-fly list or questioned by Homeland Security over your lethal gas.

Cover Image: Hans Neleman (Getty Images)