Fake News: Local Orangutan Eats Dandelions in Attempt to Have Shit That Don’t Stink
Just when you thought celery juice was the epitome of diet crazes, one local orangutan went overboard with the latest “healthy” new trend: dandelions. Some say they’re an excellent source of vitamins A, C, E and K, whether cooked or raw, but this particular orangutan remains a bit more adamant about the reasons behind his personal flower power trend.
“For so many years, people kept telling me I act like my shit don’t stink, which I never agreed with,” the young orangutan signed, flailing his arms in the air. “But once you hear something enough from the other orangutans, you start to believe it, which is why I figured I could do everything in my power to keep my shit from stinking.”
The young tree mammal went on with his attempts to convince us his shit was actually scentless, but due to the overwhelming amount of dandy-farts, we actually lost focus in the conversation and began to slowly move further down the bench until he was nothing but a yellow cloud of dandelion fart smoke. The last thing he signed was something about being the next step in human evolution or something. Honestly, we couldn’t see it smelled so badly.
Although his shit may, in fact, not stink quite as much, the farts don’t seem to be worth the effort. Meanwhile, all men still hold their belief that women have yet to poop.
Of course, our moms also told us that picking dandelions would make us wet the bed so who’s to say?