There Is Now A Pill That Allows You To Track Your Fart As It Develops In Real Time

Photo: Universal Pictures

Hurry, babe. You’ve got five minutes to get the job done before it becomes a tad less tolerable in here.

According to Ars Technica, you’ll now be able to give an exact time to your sweetheart and others when they should leave the vicinity of your couch thanks to an ingestible pill that will allow you to track your fart development in real time on your phone.

Photo: RMIT University

Australian researchers led by Kourosh Kalantar-Zadeh of RMIT University and Peter Gibson of Monash University said that their pill “paired with a pocket-sized receiver and a mobile phone app” will not only allow you to watch your future ass dropping develop in your gut but also let you know when it reaches your colon so you can warn others that it’s almost “go time.”

On a more scientific level, the researchers hope their capsule’s gas readings can “help clear the air over the inner workings of our intricate innards and the multitudes of microbes they contain,” adding that “such fume data could clarify the conditions of each section of the gut, what microbes are up to and which foods may cause problems in the system.”

Photo: RMIT Unversity

Of course, there will be no need for the device if you only eat at Taco Bell, as everybody knows that you’ll already be tearing ass before you get back to your car.

In other important news: Science Says You Will Live Longer If You Smell Your Partner’s Farts