Some Dudes Tried Smuggling Meth Into New York By Hiding It In Penis-Shaped Candles

Photo: deeepblue (Getty)

Hey, “A” for effort, fellas.

According to the New York Post, five men were arrested Wednesday after officials said they caught them storing 1,300 pounds candles shaped like dicks and religious figures in a New Jersey warehouse.

While storing penis-shaped candles next to candles resembling Jesus Christ is not illegal in the city of Paterson, the fact that they were stuffed full of crystal meth that was meant for distribution in the New York City area sure as shit is.

Some Dudes Tried Smuggling Meth Into New York By Hiding It In Penis-Shaped Candles

Photo: via DEA

Photo: via the DEA

“The DEA has seen drugs smuggled in numerous ways: concealed in puppies, lollipops, furniture, and produce,” DEA Special Agent-in-Charge James J. Hunt said. “But secreting a million dollars worth of methamphetamine in wax candles of various shapes is shocking.”

If all 1,300 pounds of wax would have been melted down, it would have yielded a total of 60 kilos of crystal meth. Luckily for authorities, the suspect in charge of securing a warehouse to store the wax schlongs made his intentions known to an undercover officer, and once the cock candles arrived, it was all officials needed to make the bust.

Santa might be on the naughty list for this one: Interesting Choice By The Salvation Army To Give Penis-Shaped Rubber Bands To Kids This Year