Man Breaks Into Home And Masturbates, Steals Cameras To Hide His ‘Deed’

Photo: nullplus (Getty)

And no, this didn’t happen in Florida. It actually happened in West Virginia.

So while this dude was busying breaking into a home while naked and looking for sesame seeds, a West Virginia man named Tristan Tucker was busy breaking into his grandma’s house to, and get this, recharge his phone. But there’s more to this bizarre story.

The 27-year-old man admitted to police that after breaking into his own grandma’s house, he stole the home’s security system because once he broke in a window to recharge his phone, he “started watching porn on the phone.” And yes he pleasured himself. And of course he didn’t want his grandma to review the surveillance video and discover he had masturbated in her home so he destroyed the camera.

wanker bust

Tucker admitted that he stole “the security cameras and the DVR box,” and then proceeded to stomp on it and toss it into a river. Well that was a lie, as cops found the camera and footage in an out building inside his grandmother’s property. Tucker, you fool.

Tucker was charged with burglary, and now his grandma knows he enjoys himself a lot. Like, a lot.

h/t The Smoking Gun

Remember this? So An Ottawa Vibrator Company Is Being Sued Because It Decided To Keep Track Of Everyone’s Masturbation Routine