Being A Clown Is Officially The Creepiest Profession In America

Photo: ArtMarie (Getty)

Nobody likes clowns (although these reporters did), so if you’re still inviting them to perform at your kid’s bar mitzvah, stop being an asshole and hire a fire-breathing juggler or some shit instead.

And this time, we’ve got science to back us up.

According to ScienceDirect, a recent survey conducted at a liberal arts college in the American Midwest determined that the creepiest occupation for males is being a clown. That was followed closely by taxidermist, sex shop owner, funeral director and taxi driver.

Photo: DragosCondrea (Getty)

Researchers had 1341 individuals (1029 females, 312 males) ranging in age from 18 to 77 with a mean age of 28.97 go to a “Social Psychology Network” website to answer several questions on creepiness. Along with naming creepy professions, participants were asked to identify creepy behaviors and mannerisms as well.

Not a good idea on your first date? You guessed it: Telling her you’re a clown. But you’re also going to want to refrain from touching her on a frequent basis, staring at her before interacting with her, asking her questions that are too personal, asking to take a picture with her, making everything about sex and of course, having greasy hair.

This Wednesday night is one of the biggest party nights of the year, fellas, so while you’re out throwing a few back while you’re on the prowl, here’s a list of behaviors you’ll want to check at the door along with your coat. Oh, and you’ll want to make up some other kind of occupation if you see yours on the second list.

Good luck.

List of Creepy Behaviors

1. He stares at you before interacting with you.

2. He keeps touching you.

3. He makes everything about sex.

4. He asks to take a picture of you.

5. He asks questions that are too personal.

6. He has greasy hair.

7. He doesn’t make eye contact.

8. He’s too old.

9. He doesn’t express much in his face.

List of Creepiest Jobs

1. Clown

2. Taxidermist

3. Sex Shop Owner

4. Funeral Director

5. Taxi Driver

6. Unemployed

7. Clergy

8. Janitor

9. Garbage Collector

10. Guard

11. Writer

12. Actor

13. Construction Worker

14. Computer Software Engineer

15. Cafeteria Worker

Meet Klutzo: The Child Molesting Clown: The Scariest Clowns In The World