Amateur Zombie Hunter Arrested For Shooting Into House And Almost Killing Sleeping Man He Thought Was A Zombie

Photo: AMC

Drugs are bad, mmmkay?

According to The Huffington Post, a 24-year-old moron in Minnesota was arrested around 5 a.m. Saturday morning after a zombie hunting session went horribly wrong when he fired his “anti-zombie ammunition” into a North St. Paul residence and nearly killed a man who was sleeping because that’s what the majority of normal human beings are doing at 5 a.m.

zombie

That “anti-zombie ammunition?” Yeah, turns out they were bullets that Ryan Stanislaw had loaded into his AR-15 rifle, which is apparently the weapon of choice when it comes to “hunting zombies.” Stanislaw told police he was “making sure his neighborhood is safe” and that he was aiming at a “zombie” when he fired through a window at a house belonging to Ken Quaale.

Quaale couldn’t be reached for comment, but we’re pretty sure he’d tell Stanislaw to go fuck himself and leave the game of neighborhood safety to the proper authorities or to people who aren’t insane.

Speaking of which, Stanislaw’s mother said her son has no history of mental illness, but by the looks of things, it wouldn’t hurt to check again. I mean, outside of a simple firearm violation, police also charged him with possession of a firearm by an ineligible person.

And why was Stanislaw deemed an ineligible person? You guessed it: He was convicted last month of making terroristic threats. Great guy.

But hey, for every story like this, there are also ones that involve a sign warning drivers of “Zombie Dicks,” as well as a girl who freaks the hell out while playing a virtual reality zombie game. You know, kids stuff.

Choose your friends wisely: Man Kills Friend For Turning Into A ‘Zombie’