Florida Couple Beats The Snot Out Of Intruder And Leaves Him With Epic Shiner

Too bad for Noah Dassat that the avocado eye patch look isn’t what the ladies are digging these days.

But according to Fox 5, that’s exactly what the 33-year-old Santa Cruz, California, man is rocking after a Florida couple beat the everliving crap out of him last week when he tried to rob their North Port home.

Florida Couple Beats The Snot Out Of Intruder And Leaves Him With Epic Shiner

Florida couple beats up intruder and gives him epic black eye
Police said Dassat was armed with a baseball bat when he broke into the house on June 23 despite the fact that the homeowners and their three kids were still inside. The man of the house quickly sprang into action and subdued Dassat with a bear hug while his wife grabbed the bat and beat the piss out of him.

Dassat was able to run away from the house, but police caught up with him at a nearby hospital after he checked in under a fake name. He was arrested and charged with armed robbery, criminal mischief and battery for somehow finding the only house in Florida whose occupants weren’t busy huffing bath salts under a freeway overpass.

Probably should have just paid for that Mounds bar, bro: Ohio Guy Tries To Rob Gas Station, Gets Ass Kicked By Employees And Customers