It’s a rare occurrence to look at a list of names at the top of the charts and realize that nearly every single one qualifies for hall of famer status in the world of cheesified nonsense and disposable fad jams. But the planets must be aligned in bizarre fashion beneath constellation Bieberdashian, as the following run of names currently hold the top positions in the Spotify streaming chart for the week:
Taylor “Pinterest Barbie” Swift. Iggy “Snoop Dogged” Azalea. Calvin “Spacebar” Harris. Sam “Your boyfriend sucks” Smith. Maroon 5, aka the dudes in a band with that KMart commercial guy. Ariana “Not my nudes” Grande. Jessie J, aka Who The Hell Am I?… and so on.
Aside from the fact that there’s not a single respectable rock band, rapper or high-level vocalist in the entire mix doesn’t arrive as a shock. But the barrel-bottom scraping found by the likes of Meghan Trainor is just embarrassing. Have you gotten “All About That Bass” out of your head yet? Too bad, ‘cause it’s not going anywhere anytime soon.
So if you’re feeling a little menacing towards your co-workers or roommates today, rock that volume knob and hit ‘play’ on this mixtape of the top-streamed tracks on Spotify this week. We are not responsible for any acts of violence committed against you, friendships severed or employment terminated as a result of such actions – but we’d love to hear about it if it happens.