The Big List: Scientists Believe Noah’s Ark Would Have Floated

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Time to hear the voice of God, build an ark, get two of each animal on it, endure your neighbors constantly saying you’re crazy, watch as the floods come and murder out all those wrongheaded, but basically innocent people, survive for a month, make God super proud, sell the movie rights and check out these links!

 

Nation Already Sick Of Baseball (The Onion)

baseball

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-already-sick-of-baseball,35686/

For it’s one, two, three strikes—eh, who cares?

 

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford Casts Sole ‘No’ Vote For Naming Street After Nelson Mandela

rob-ford

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/04/03/rob-ford-nelson-mandela_n_5083868.html

He’s pretty much a lock for re-election.

 

Noah’s Ark Would Have Floated… Even With 70,000 Animals

noah-movie

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/science-news/10740451/Noahs-Ark-would-have-floated…even-with-70000-animals.html

See? Every word of the Bible is historically accurate.

 

Who Were The Tallest Athletes In History?

tallest-athletes-infographic

http://regressing.deadspin.com/who-were-the-tallest-athletes-in-history-1557151290

I still hold the record for tallest shortsketball player.

 

Court Reporter Officially Hates His Job More Than You Do

court-reporter-stenographer

http://time.com/48136/court-reporter-officially-hates-his-job-more-than-you-do/

Let the record show that it took this man an absurdly long time to get fired.

 

That’s all for this this Biblical edition of The Big List!

 

Geoffrey Golden is a bestselling author and Editor-in-Chief of The Devastator comedy magazine.