Jessica Simpson: ‘Best Cleavage in Hollywood’

On the list of In Touch Weekly‘s “Best Cleavage in Hollywood” Jessica Simpson’s rack landed in the number one spot. The list is as follows:

1. Jessica Simpson

2. Salma Hayek

3. Carmen Electra

4. Angelina Jolie

5. Halle Berry

6. Jennifer Love Hewitt

7. Scarlett Johansson

8. Mariah Carey

9. Susan Sarandon

10. Nicollette Sheridan

I know I’m a female, but I love boobies and spend quite a bit of time staring at them. I even have a certificate on my wall saying I’m a boobie expert. Sure it’s a post-it note I drew boobies on, but I’m still certified. So I do need to argue with this list. First, Mariah and Carmen shouldn’t even be considered here because theirs are implants. They’re nice implants, but they’re implants nonetheless. Next, there is no way that Jessica Simpson has a nicer set than Salma Hayek, Scarlett Johansson and Jennifer Love Hewitt. All of those women have been seen without a bra to support those things and theirs are some of the best shaped natural breasts in Hollywood. And theirs did not get that way with a breast lift the way Jessica Simpson’s did. We all know Papa Joe Simpson has a habit of forcing magazines to say what he wants them to say about his daughter, so I’m thinking he played a part in this one which is pretty gross and creepy considering the nature of the list, but that’s Papa Joe for you.

I know Jessica Simpson is from Dallas, but I think even Texans would be embarrassed by this bad impression of a cowgirl outfit she has on here in these pictures from a few days ago and they might be a little offended.

Update: Observant reader, Stephanie, pointed out what looks very much like a hickey on Jessica’s neck in the fourth picture.

And several readers from Texas have sent us emails confirming they are, in fact, offended by Jessica’s cowgirl costume.

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