Crazy How Many Things There Are To Observe In April, Stress Awareness Month

Photo: Deagreez (Getty Images)

Every damn day seems like it’s National Something Day where we must observe the importance of rainbows, siblings on social media and tacos (that one should be every day). And while National Hug a Newsperson Day (that’s real) doesn’t seem relevant, we promise you April is stacked with national observations we thought necessary to recognize.

Aside from being Sexual Assault Awareness Month, April is also National Stress Awareness Month, and let’s just say it’s freaking us the fuck out how many things we have to observe this April. And let us not forget Earth Day (April 22) and our favorite, Record Store Day (April 21). Oh, and National Straw Hat Month! So, yeah. Don’t forget to wear your straw hat and get picked on by everyone you see.

National Stress Awareness Month

The Japanese say taking six deep breaths is key to a mood shift. April is meant to be a useful practice for recognizing stress and its triggers, working through it with healthy diet and exercise and therapy but not pills. And most importantly, it’s about helping others who may struggle with depression.

Personally, I feel better after a few Rice Krispies Treats. They’re made with organic ingredients so I’ll just eat until I can’t feel my feet. If you’re not into that (your loss), you could try celebrating some more April observations.

National Sexual Assault Awareness Month

One in five college females experience sexual assault, and nonprofits like ItsOnUs are working to get sexual assault down on campuses. If you see something, say something. Otherwise, you can help out by donating here so that awareness can spread. This is not a drill.

Cannabis Awareness Month

Hello, Vapril! The celebration of 4/20 is upon us, but luckily April celebrates its entirety around the new trend of vape pens. They’ve come a long way in recent years so that your smoking experience may be better for your body and your mind while still providing that old school smoky vibe.

For those of you who think laziness and smoking weed are synonymous, we implore you to educate yourselves about CBD, the many benefits of legalization of marijuana. Stick that in your vape pen and smoke it.

National Soft Pretzel Month

Speaking of Vapril, doesn’t that make you hungry for a soft pretzel? Don’t worry, the munchies are still a real thing, as are soft pretzels. Though the chains may be struggling, there’s no reason you can’t learn how to bake your own, including some sexy beer cheese, and get right down to soft business.

National Lawn & Garden Month

If you don’t know how to recycle or compost yet, April will be a long guilty month, which will then lead to stress and then the awareness of stress so just learn to recycle. In addition to monthly observations, you also expected to plant a tree on Earth Day, April 22. Hell, plant a succulent bed and invite the neighbors over to see how much better your yard looks compared to theirs.

Last year was rough, too: Anxiety In America Is At An All-Time High In 2017 And Here’s Why And What To Do

National Soy Foods Month & Fresh Celery Month

Got undiagnosed IBS? We’re with you, partner. Whether or not you realize it, many people suffer from it unknowingly, which makes National Soy Foods Months, as well as Fresh Celery Month even more cutting edge. Easy on the fiber, guys.

National Welding & Landscape Architecture Month

There’s nothing like some hands-on manual labor to helping cope with stress. If managing it is a problem, you may also want to get outdoors and take some deep breaths away from your phone. Landscape architecture is one of man’s best collaborations with nature. That, and those fountains in men’s bathrooms you can pee in.

National Jazz Appreciation Month

Me, I like to listen to jazz while I cook dinner with my beloved. If you would rather watch instructional videos on how to make your own sausages with your best friend and neighbor, we support that as well. As long as it looks like you’re keeping busy. Seriously though, nothing cures stress like a little live music. Move the hips, too, if you get the chance. We won’t tell a soul.

National Autism Awareness & National Volunteer Month

They say in AA that being of service to others is the best way to handle your own issues. That’s just what I hear. But really, there is no better feeling, not besides peeing in one of those manmade fountains.

National Straw Hat Month

Whether you’re Magnum P.I. trying to hide his erection or you’re Nathan Lane constantly reminding us he’s gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that, a person’s sexual preference is nobody’s business but their own), straw hats are a good way to get people to notice you. It’s also a good way to get beat up in public for looking so goddamn relaxed.