Cameron Douglas Is A Criminal Mastermind

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Cameron Douglas, son of Oscar-winning actor Michael Douglas, is facing a possible life sentence because he really, really loves drugs. Also because he’s an idiot. ABC News reports:

Cameron Douglas, 31, pleaded guilty before U.S. District Judge Ronald Ellis in Manhattan federal court to conspiracy to distribute crystal meth and cocaine and to heroin possession. Douglas was arrested on July 28 at the trendy Gansevoort Hotel in Manhattan and faces at least 11 years and up to life in prison. After his arrest and while on pretrial release, Douglas possessed heroin, the charges said. Douglas sent large quantities of methamphetamine, known by the street names of “crystal meth” and “ice,” to New York via FedEx between 2006 and 2009, according to the complaint. He worked with accomplices who are cooperating with the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration, the complaint said. In several different recorded phone calls Douglas referred to the drugs as “pastry” and “salts,” the complaint said.

To reiterate, he sent crystal meth through the mail. Crystal meth. Through the mail. Maybe when he gets out he can drive through a school zone with plutonium in the passenger seat or walk into a police station with a prostitute’s head on a pike. You know, to fully drive the point home that he might not be the best at making life decisions.