The Procrastinator’s Guide to Quick Last-Minute Christmas Gifts (When You’re Too Broke and Busy)
It’s the holidays, you’re broke, and need to get gifts at the very last minute. Perhaps you’ve blown your wad for the important people in your life, and you need gifts for the people you’re forgetting. Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered. It’s been said that the best things in life are free. Unfortunately, that statement doesn’t work with gift-giving, unless you know how to give yourself in the way that people want. Keep reading to find out more about what to give so that you’re really giving nothing at all.
Photo: Emilija Manevska (Getty Images)
Roll a Joint and Bring Munchies
Roll a joint, put the leftover work party cookies you stole on a different plate, and wrap it in cellophane. Yes, you could just drop this goodie basket off, but stick around like a good stoner and share it.
Offer to Babysit
Look, you don't have to be an expert with kids if they're already asleep. Gift your married friends a night out while you raid their fridge and watch their TV. It's the gift that keeps on giving.
Offer to Be Their Sober Driver
You're thinking, "Fuck no!" But considering that they're going to get hammered, forget you said this and call an Uber like they always do. You'll look like a good guy who crafts thoughtful gifts. That's all that matters.
It's exactly what you think: regifting gift cards. Pick the one you're least likely to use, make a card, and attach the gift card inside. Bingo. You tried.
Be Their Lifeline
Gifts like these are priceless. You're offering to be the person they need when they're running a small-time con on a potential employer by being a fake reference. This is a real show of friendship because this is fraud, but hey, it's free and the least you can do.
Offer to Pet Sit
Having an animal you love can get expensive. So can being a friend, which is why you'll sublet your place while they're away. You do something good, you make some money. Win-win.
Give Them an Experience
Millennials and zoomers (that's Gen Zers) love experiences. Don't waste money having someone else curate an experience for them, do it yourself. Just make sure it's an experience you want to do that you'd need a partner for. Acceptable activities include long hikes, picnics, and using their projector to watch a movie in your backyard.
Pawn Off the Fruitcake
Participate in the time-tested tradition of getting rid of the fruitcake to some other asshole. Then it can be their quest to give it to someone else.
The good boyfriend’s gift guide: Getting Her Exactly What She Wants (Since You Haven’t Been Listening)
What’s the most inexpensive gift you ever gave that wowed the intended recipient? How did you come up with it? Let us know in the details in the comments!