The 11 Absolute Worst Types of Friends You Have Right Now
Pals. Buddies. Bros. BFFs. Amigos. Comrades. Whatever you call them, friends are an essential part of life. They’re so important, the world has declared July 30 the International Day of Friendship. No matter how big (or small) your squad is, there seem to be certain types of friends, and some are better than others. So gather your sidekicks together and see where you fit in as we dive into the absolute best and worst friends. Whether you celebrate or abandon them is up to you.
Cover Photo: Aleksander Rubtsov (Getty Images)
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The Bad Drinking Buddy
Drinking alone is depressing. Nobody wants to be that sad sack at the bar sitting alone, shelling peanuts when they could be having fun with a good drinking buddy. That is, until the drinking buddy becomes to puking buddy, the racist cab buddy, the aggressive womanizing buddy and, our personal favorite, the Republican buddy.
The Cannabis Over-Enthusiast
Everyone needs a friend who can show you how to roll a joint, but when they smoke so much they kill all their brain cells for the day and start talking conspiracy theories, that's when it's time to find your keys.
The Big Hugger
People may need at least four hugs per day according to family therapist Virginia Satir – but not necessarily from the same person one right after the other. Preferably from a pretty lady rather than your sweaty bro, too.
The Friend Zoner
We all have that one good-looking friend that lies on the edge of the friend zone with their leg touches, shoulder squeezes and playful texts. They'll tell you all their dirty secrets but never let you see. They're the ultimate dick tease. But they're great to keep you sane between all the failed dates.
The Honest Drunk
We all need a friend who gives it to us straight. Just not when they're drunk and out loud to the entire bar. While some of us appreciate honesty, too much of it is enough to make these friendships just an annual thing.
A friend with a big mouth can be a blessing or a curse. OK, just a curse. When they keep you up-to-date on all the happenings of your peers, they can up your social currency. When they spill the beans you asked them to keep canned, they’re worse than a sworn enemy. Choose your chatty friends wisely.
Having a full-time job is rough. Having a clingy friend is much worse. Sometimes you just have to decline those calls, ignore those texts and ghost them to get their head right. Plus it's kind of fun to watch crazy people squirm.
This parasite infects your cash stash and bleeds you dry. They never seem to have their wallet, or if they do, it’s suddenly devoid of payment methods. Even if they manage to unearth a credit card, it’s immediately declined. Every time this happens, they promise they’ll pick up the tab next time. They never do. This is one kind of friend you’re better off without.
The Holy Roller
Every once in a while, that creepy beast called your conscience will kick in and make you feel like you’ve done something wrong. That's when your overtly-religious friends will gladly listen just long enough to go high and mighty on you with bible quotes and parables. You can't remember why you don't hang out more until this happens.
You can’t stand hanging out with this friend for more than 10 minutes at a time because inevitably some small fry will interrupt you with their wailing needs and sticky fingers. But at least they’re a good reminder to use contraception. Every. Damn. Time.
You want to do stupid shit, but you’re scared. That’s why you need a friend who does the crazy stuff for you so you can just sit back and watch from your cozy, safe comfort zone. Then you get to be the hero to take them to the hospital.