17 Sure Signs You Might Be Gross
Photo: PeopleImages (Getty Images)
Some subjects are incredibly hard to broach. Like telling your girlfriend you want a backdoor pass for your birthday, breaking the news to mom and dad that you actually never got into Stanford, or telling a good friend that he is, as it turns out, gross. In fact, most people avoid discussing awkward and difficult subjects in favor of living a conflict-free lifestyle. We get it. And that’s why we’re stepping in, grabbing the reins, and getting this horror show started with these 17 telltale signs you might be gross. Because the people in your life shouldn’t have to tell you that serving your dinner guests flat water from the toilet is not a normal thing to do.
We’re not saying you definitely are, but in the immortal (slightly altered) words of Jeff Foxworthy, “You might be gross if…”
You walk into your house after a long day and there's a really bad smell.
Humans are remarkably talented at adapting to bad smells. One trick to getting a fresh perspective on your potential grossness is to pay attention to what hits you when you first walk in the door. You may actually notice the dead fish smell for once.
You have a collection of bottles filled with your own pee.
Howard Hughes wasn't always a gross man, but when he started peeing in bottles, that day had arrived. Don't be like Howard Hughes.
The dead cockroach pile in your kitchen has gone over the one-foot marker.
We've all been there, especially living in the city. But if you're not staying on top of the problem, you may be entering the realm of gross negligence.
You clip your toenails in public.
There's an unspoken understanding among all people that this is not cool. Plus, the bits go flying everywhere.
Your co-workers, while friendly, wince every time they approach your desk.
It's not that they don't like you. It's just that you gross them out.
The only time you see the sun is when your arm reaches out to get that drive-thru bag of McNuggets.
Reconsider your dietary habits and vitamin D intake. Your life choices may need some shifting.
You sweat honey mustard sauce.
That smell of bittersweet man tang is you. Your sweat glands are seriously misbehaving. Probably should get that checked out.
You take out the trash but your neighbors can't tell which one is the trash bag and which one is you.
They are trying really hard, but you're not giving them much to work with.
Your car looks more like a dumpster than a car.
And if it ever caught fire, people would think it was a dumpster fire. Why do you think no one ever carpools with you?
Your last name is Trump.
OK, that's just gross.
Every single shirt you own has pronounced sweat stains.
Try a little apple cider vinegar or bleach next time you do a load of laundry. Or maybe it's time to buy some new shirts.
The plumber stopped returning your calls.
He's a 40-year veteran of the industry, but he never saw anything like what he saw that day. The memory still haunts him.
Even your dad won't return your calls.
He loves you, but he swears he can smell you through the phone. And if he answers, you'll ask him if he's still coming over for dinner next week.
There was a dead raccoon in your air vents, but everyone was still more offended by you.
You remember that time you discovered a rotting critter in your ducts and all your roommates offered to be the one to carry the putrid carcass out to the dumpster? That was weird, right?
You have a special room in your house for the dog that no one is allowed to go in.
Dog's need to be walked. Everyday. Multiple times. At this point, you're better off moving house.
You ran out of toothpaste six years ago and never re-upped.
We wanted to tell you, but it just never came up. I mean, what do you even say?
More than once, strangers have mistaken you for a walking dumpster.
Sorry, the truth hurts. But don't let being gross stop you from living your best life. Remember, one woman's trash is another woman's treasure.