Pot Talk: 8 Toking Tips For Keeping Straight-Laced People Blind to Your Crooked Ways
Photo: Petri Oeschger (Getty Images)
Now that weed‘s legalized all over the place, getting stoned is practically fashionable. That said, not everyone is down with your constant 420 vibes, so if you plan to be stoned AF, it wouldn’t kill you to be discrete at (high) times. Instead of crawling out of your skin paranoid that everyone under the sun, including your boss, knows you’re toking up, here are some hot tips to throw those pot-sniffing bloodhounds off that dank scent.
Just tell them it’s hemp, or check out these 8 toker tips below.
Buying weed for dummies: How Not To Sound Like A N00b When Buying Legal Weed
Brighten Your Beady Red Eyes
If you're going out into the world with eyes as red as the devil's, people will naturally assume you're high AF or have pink eye, two things you'll want to avoid no matter what. If you smoke pot on the regular, carry eye drops in your car or leave some in your desk at work. We swear by the Rohto brand eye drops, which actually make the whites of your eyes so white that no one could suspect you of being high in public.
Photo: RgStudio (Getty Images)
Wash Up, Dude
If for whatever reason you think you smell like weed, clean up. Wash your hands, face and even brush your teeth. Doing this won't just make you less likely to smell like a bong, it'll make you feel better and more alert. Which, in turn, will make you feel like you have control over yourself and get you to chill the eff out.
Photo: Jim Vecchione (Getty Images)
Don't Binge Eat
One of the easiest tells when it comes to being stoned is eating like you just smoked pot. If you sneak out and get high before going to a work lunch, don't prove it by ordering an insane amount of food, especially if you don't normally eat like that.
Even if your high brain is like, "Yo, dude, let's get the club sandwich, fries, a milkshake and the brownie sundae," control your impulse to over-order, which leads to overeating. If your goal is to come across as though you aren't high, don't behave like you are. Don't think too hard and stick with what you'd normally do. That's simply Getting High 101.
Photo: Paulus Rusyanto / EyeEm (Getty Images)
Don't Hot Box Anything
Who the hell are you, Spicoli in Fast Times At Ridgemont High? If you're going to get stoned in your car, roll down the damn windows, punk. Regardless if you're in your car, the janitor's closet, or a bathroom at a party, crack a window so you don't smell like Snoop Dogg.
Most of the time scent is the only real tell anyone has when it comes to being high. The easiest way to avoid this is by keeping a spray bottle of Febreze handy. It neutralizes any bad smells, like the smell of you smoking that dank-ass chronic in your car at lunch, boy.
Photo: Dirk Anschutz (Getty Images)
Chill The Eff Out
Even though it might feel like everyone is looking at you because you're stoned, they're not, especially if you're not reeking of marijuana or acting super bizarre. If you feel weird, anxious, or paranoid, excuse yourself from whatever you're doing. Splash some water on your face, take a deep breath, and get out of your own head. Eventually the high will wear off and you'll stop feeling like you're in an emotional video game.
Photo: Peter Beavis
If you're not going to get high in the comfort of your own home, get high in the great wide open. You'll be less likely to stink of weed with an open-air breeze. Plus, if you get too stoned, being outside will give you a minute to breathe and stop being so self-obsessed that you convince yourself the police are coming to get you.
Photo: Deux (Getty Images)
Strength In Numbers
Look, back in the DARE program they tried to tell us all that there was safety in being around other sober people. The same goes for being high. If you're going to get stoned and be in public, don't do it by yourself. Smoke pot with someone else you know and trust so that you two can enjoy it and also have each other's backs in case you feel weird or paranoid. Because obviously, friends who get high together get by together.
Photo: Cavan Images (Getty Images)
Go With The Flow
You're high, dude. Enjoy it. Hang with your friends and be chill. If you suddenly feel weird, it's OK. Check-in with yourself. You're probably doing fine. If you do get some anxiety, just remember that you already beat the odds by getting high and leaving the house.
Photo: Hero Images (Getty Images)
What’s your primo tip for keeping it together in public while you’re high? If it’s not on our list, share it in the comments!