A New Years resolution comes and goes faster than a Whac-A-Mole, but if you’re going to give up something that’s keeping you down, it might be time for a dating detox. Tune in for this week’s Risky Tips with our favorite female comedian, Kate Quigley.
More ‘Risky Tips’ With Kate Q: Obsessed With My Ex
I called it No-Dick November.
It happened by accident at first. I was in love with a musician. He, of course, was in love with drugs. After telling me I was the perfect woman, he ghosted without explanation. I later found out the truth. He needed rehab, and I needed it to be over. I was devastated and frustrated. Not only with him, but equally as much with myself. Here I was again. Same pattern. I meet a guy who I think is different, ignore all red flags and fall hopelessly in love. Then it when it ended in a blink.
I spent the next months making my friends listen to the same sob story where I’m the victim of another lying f*ckboy, all the while self-medicating with sex & attention. I was feeling like something drastic needed to change, but I had no idea how. I read a million self-help books, talked to a therapist, you name it. They all said the same thing:
Learn to love yourself.
This always bothered me, because I thought I did. I believed I was a great catch. Funny, cute, into sports, low maintenance. I didn’t understand that loving yourself, truly meant being comfortable by yourself. You have to know that you don’t need anyone else to make you happy. That feeling was something I had never truly mastered. So I chose to try something new…
[Enter: No-Dick November]
I decided I would go one month without men (and that didn’t just mean sex). This included texting, sexting, dates, or any other drama that stems from or leads to romance. And you know what? It changed my life. That may sound insane. I know a month isn’t long, but it only takes a few days to break a pattern. Here’s why you have to do it…
You’ve forgotten how to have fun alone.
It’s not until you’re truly alone (not lonely, just alone) that you have to parent yourself into doing things to keep yourself alive and entertained. Like holy shit, I used to play guitar! How is it possible I completely forgot I played guitar?! Oh, that’s right, because I was spending all my time and energy trying to playing the dating game.
From the moment we discover the opposite sex, we spend so much of our lives chasing it around, analyzing it. Girls get together for cocktails or lunch, and every moment is spent trying to figure out what his text meant, how to get the guy to commit, how long to wait to let him in our pants. Guys get together to watch sports or play video games. Lucky bastards!
Imagine if you just took this whole topic off the table for a month. For the first few days, it’s tricky. At least for me, it was. My habit was to flirt, text guys, scroll through dating apps, but now suddenly that wasn’t an option. One night, shortly into my “dick detox,” I started reading a book. I used to read all the time. I don’t even know when I stopped. Before I knew it, I had read three. And started playing guitar again, watched a documentary on Nelson Mandela, showered most of the days of the week.
This was all just in the first two weeks! Now it’s been 6 weeks. I haven’t even gone back to dating yet, or even flirty texting guys. I’m having much more fun being myself, doing things I love and not stressing over dudes.
You can actually get shit done (for once).
This is obvious. You think you’ll be more productive, but I’m talking light-years. There is nothing distracting me. I don’t have to leave time for a boyfriend or sex. I don’t have to worry about getting let down or letting anyone down because I’m behind on work. Even if you have time to date with your current workload, you could probably start a whole new project or business with the time you invest in your relationship.
Imagine if you took a dating detox for just six months. In that time, you could write a screenplay or a book, brainstorm cancer cures or come up with a plan for retirement!
Risky Tips With Kate Q: Drawing A Proverbial Line In The Sheets
Save yourself some money while you’re at it.
Dating is expensive. That alone sounds like reason enough, but if you break it down, it’s ridiculous. With the amount of time I spend taking hot selfies in the mirror to send to guys I sleep with, I could drive an Uber and actually afford to live comfortably in LA.
If you spend $50 each week on a single date, that’s $200 a month (and that’s a cheap date!) God knows how much single guys spend! We may not pay for as many dates, but time spent getting ready alone is at least two hours per date. Not to mention makeup, nails, blowouts, perfume, outfits, etc. Take note: If you took three months off from dating, that’s easily a round trip ticket to Hawaii, a road trip across the country, hell a weekend in Paris. That seems like a great place to fly off to when you’re back in the game & ready to spark some new romance. I’d be willing to learn the language for my own personal Picasso (probably a bad example).
People want what they can’t have.
This one I didn’t see coming, but it happened. The minute I stopped looking for a man, it practically rained peen from the sky. I’m hardly joking, only because it never rains in LA. I may have announced my dating detox, but I don’t even think you’d have to. As soon as I stopped giving guys any hope that they had a shot, they all wanted one twice as bad. So when you’re ready to come back, you may get your pick of a very big litter.
I’ve never had more quality men chasing after me in my life, and I was doing absolutely nothing different, other than seeming completely uninterested. My replies got shorter and blunter. I straight up started telling men, “I’m really not interested in spending time with anyone but myself right now.”
It’s true: People want what they can’t have. And the more independent you are, the more attractive you are to the opposite sex. That goes both ways (that’s what she said). When a man seems like he’s completely confident and happy with himself, it’s a huge turn on. When we see that you are single, not because you want to sleep around, but because you truly want someone who’s worth adding to your already amazing life, it makes you ten times hotter. And if we can win you over, we must be really special.
I didn’t expect this to happen, but I learned how much power there is in being truly happy with no one. It makes everyone want to be a part of your energy, and it adds a bit of mystery to you.
But I promise you this: When it’s time to retox, you guys better be ready.