The VMAs Were Retarded

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On behalf of Las Vegas natives, I’d like to apologize for the Palms. Normally we look upon the Palms as a stank sheet of celebrity fly paper, but the paper lost its stick tonight, thus the VMAs … or as I like to call it … Vile Maloof Advertising.

George Maloof is a champ. He managed to help the VMAs tumble faster down its perpetual spiral of disappointment. Even Justin Timberlake called MTV out twice for sucking hard. Oh, and, if that wasn’t embarrassing enough … Fergie, Fuggie, Peed Herself On Stage, Performed In A Mall Recently Ferguson didn’t even bother to show up to accept an award for I don’t know what, since MTV doesn’t play music videos anymore. But thank God we got to see and hear a bunch of shit that sucks played in random, high roller/high profile suites you’ll never be cool enough to afford at the Palms so George Maloof can get the gold-digging, star-fucking pussy he couldn’t get before he owned this shitty, celebrity ass-sucking hotel/casino.

And that brings us back to where I started. Um …. What. The. Fuck…

If this is your opening act, then you might as well concede defeat and sell your flailing, failing network to the highest bidder, MTV. This was a music video award show which gave awards to videos no one saw since you’re so damn preoccupied with the scripted and flatteringly lit trials and tribulations of teenage millionaires. MTV, you suck.