Paris Hilton is Broke

In what may be the greatest news of all time, Conrad ‘Barron’ Hilton, 79, Paris Hilton’s billionaire grandfather, has cut off his entire family from their inheritance in order to donate his fortune to charitable foundations because of Paris’ behavior. Paris, who was set to receive $59 million, will now receive nothing:

He was, and is, extremely embarrassed by how the Hilton name has been sullied by Paris,” says Jerry Oppenheimer, author of House Of Hilton. “He doesn’t want to leave unearned wealth to his family.” Hilton senior recently acquired a hefty $2.4 billion after selling off a massive chunk of his hotel chain to private equity firm Blackstone. Given her grandfathers disapproval, Miss Hilton is now working hard to cash in on her fame while she can.”

Paris Hilton’s fame is based on her being an heiress, but now she’s not, so hopefully people will no longer hire this dumb slut. It probably won’t matter after what the rest of Conrad’s 11 other grandkids are going to do to Paris. My guess? Stoning.