ted cruz
KETTERING, OH - APRIL 29: Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) speaks during a campaign event for Josh Mandel, a Republican candidate for U.S. Senate in Ohio, at Victory Christian Church on April 29, 2022 in Kettering, Ohio. Last week, Former President Donald Trump announced his endorsement of J.D. Vance in the Ohio Republican Senate primary. Other challengers in the Republican Senate primary field include Josh Mandel, Mike Gibbons, Jane Timken, Matt Dolan and Mark Pukita. (Photo by Drew Angerer/Getty Images)

The Mandatory Guide to Being Stuck in an Elevator With Ted Cruz

While there exist many terrible people in government these days, there’s truly no bigger boil than Ted Cruz. One might say that if Covid had a face and personality, it would be his. We could literally spend all day pontificating on everything that’s wrong with the Texas senator and why anyone could vote for him, even Texans. But then it would turn into a Fast and Furious franchise with virtually no end in sight.

Sure, former President Donald Trump was a pretty grotesque human being, but at least he never claimed to be a human. Cruz, on the other hand, goes out of his way to try and do actual human things. However, it’s safe to say that Cruz has followed in Donald Trump’s slime trail and become a full-time internet troll. It’s not like the Republican senator has any important work to do, right?

Cruz is now pretty much most known for abandoning his Texas constituents during an unusual deep freeze in Texas last winter while he snuck off to the warm temps of Cancun. That’s certainly an act worthy of being shot out of a cannon into a pile of fire ants. But lucky for Ted, the GOP has very low standards and the entire party’s agenda is simply “owning the libs.” So given the absolute monstrosity that is Senator Cruz, we here at Mandatory decided to come up with a guide to what to do if ever stuck in an elevator with him.

Cover Photo: Drew Angerer / Staff (Getty Images)