It was beyond pathetic that police in Uvalde, Texas, stood around outside Robb Elementary School for roughly an hour doing virtually nothing while an 18-year-old with an AR-15 barricaded himself inside, murdering 19 innocent children and two teachers. The police inaction was so bad that Texas law enforcement officials revised major parts of their previous stories about what happened during the Uvalde school shooting. Apparently, Uvalde cops like to cosplay in their tactical gear rather than actually use it, thus offering no bigger argument for a police unit needing defunding.
Remember how in 2020 when Fox News was perpetually screaming that we needed to be more appreciative of police and stop whining when they killed unarmed Black people in broad daylight? If not, maybe someday an awful thing would happen and there’d be no police to save the day? Well, not only did that opportunity arise and get soundly rejected by cops in Uvalde, but the useless government leeches actually pepper-sprayed and tried to arrest actual badass parents trying to rush in to save their kids.
There will undoubtedly be investigations and lawsuits, hopefully resulting in firings and major payouts. But one truly has to wonder why after so many horrific gun shootings in our gun-humping country did it take so inexplicably long for police to actually get their thumbs out of their asses?
Here are five ridiculous things more effective than the Uvalde cops.
Cover Photo: Michael M. Santiago / Staff (Getty Images)
uvalde cops
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1. Glade Air Freshener
If you've ever gone to the bathroom in a friend's house and feared a foul stench creeping its way into the living room, then you surely tried using Glade air freshener spray like your life depended on it. However, this stuff is ultimately useless. However, it's still more effective than the Uvalde police.
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2. A Kardashian
All we know about the Kardashians is that they exist only because their dad represented OJ Simpson. Otherwise, they do nothing but encapsulate all that is wrong with America. But they're still more useful than the Uvalde police.
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3. Betamax Player
Most of us are probably too young to know what a Betamax payer is, but apparently it tried competing with the VHS player. It ultimately failed and was massively ineffective, but still more effective than the Uvalde police.
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4. Pepsi Clear
Now, this is yet another seemingly worthless product most of us are too young to remember, but many a Gen Xer apparently drank something called Pepsi Clear. It turned out to be vile piss water that never caught on. But still more useful than the Uvalde police.
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5. Zune MP3 Player
Looking to capture the popularity of the iPod, Bill Gates attempted to compete with Apple's iPod with the Zune player. Needless to say, it was a total disaster that nobody really ever used. However, it was still more useful than the Uvalde police.
