Kids bring all sorts of things to show and tell. Pet lizards. Gummy bears. A collection of pine cones from the park. But when one kid brought a bag of cocaine to school, DARE started rethinking their entire strategy. Convening specialists from Amsterdam with a joint task force appointed by the president, America’s favorite drug initiative is reinventing itself from the ground up with a bold new strategy custom-made for modern times. Not since Ronald Reagan has there been such a comprehensive overhaul of the war on drugs. Here’s a first look at DARE’s new proposal.
Photo: Dave Nagel (Getty Images)
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5 year old cocaine
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Vending Machines
Everything in Trump's America is a business. And if kids are going to be doing cocaine, why not bring the product to them?
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Burner Phones
DARE. Keeping children off the radar one burner phone at a time.
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Drug Testing
The nurse's office will now be outfitted with a drug testing kit so kids can test the purity of their gear, ensuring that whatever they're sharing with their classmates isn't laced with fentanyl.
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Smack Time
Just a little fix before lunch can go a long way toward keeping kids focused in the classroom. Just Say Now.
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Lunch Raves
With drug research finally getting the attention it deserves, scientists now know that a lunchtime rave is the ultimate place to peak.
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Field Trips
Nothing is more valuable to a child than the first-hand experience of a Deadhead drug bazaar.
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Extended Nap Time
Coming down from a serious bender takes more than 15 minutes of quiet time. Under the new program, naps will now extend for two hours after lunch.
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Continued Education
For those who make the honor roll, continued education is available to ensure children grow in tandem with the trending drugs of their generation. They might be 5-year-old novices now, but soon they'll be 15-year-old pros with the appetite to match. And no child deserves to be left behind.
