How a Single Guy Takes a Self-Respecting Selfie In 9 Steps
Photo: Marco Bottegelli (Getty Images)
When aliens finally tune in to our planetary frequency, the overwhelming image they find will most likely be of the human selfie. But while some selfies may impress our hyper-intelligent neighbors, the vast majority will fall short, causing hardcore judgment from our intergalactic travelers, who will turn around in their spaceships, disappointed, and never bother to ring our proverbial doorbell again.
Save the future of human/alien relations by stepping up your selfie game with these nine simple selfie tricks. Not only will they aid us in space diplomacy, they may just land you the girlfriend of your dreams. Or one from out of this world.
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Selfies have been banned in hundreds of places around the world for a reason. Make sure you are aware of your surroundings so this doesn't become the last selfie you ever take.
Location, location, location.
If you don't have a face like Fabio, utilize an interesting background to make your selfie stand out from the pack.
Plan your wardrobe and style.
Make a choice about who you are and how you want to be perceived by the world. This level of focus will help your selfie break through the noise. Just don't overdo it on the makeup.
Make sure you shower.
Disheveled selfies are so 2011. Make yourself presentable and your selfie will shine.
Prepare a handful of poses.
Don't just snap away absent-mindedly. Prepare your poses. Practice them. And nail the fierce look you are after.
Put your best face forward.
Know your angles and how your body language and eye contact communicate with the camera. Great pictures are about an emotional connection.
Lighting is everything.
Make sure the lighting is good. Your face can change radically depending on the intensity and angle of your light source. One minute you're Leo DiCaprio, the next you're Donald Trump.
Have a good caption ready.
They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but nowadays it's pretty meaningless without a caption to contextualize and elevate the image. Practice by adding captions to famous works of art, like the Mona Lisa.
Now take out your phone...
...put it down and walk away. There is no such thing as a self-respecting selfie. Deep down inside, you already knew that, didn't you.