MLB Baseball Promotions We Want To See In 2015
I love a good, creative giveaway. I really do. The Rays’ “Moore Cowbell” was genius. So is the upcoming Mariners cap with a bottle-opener in the rim.
But, most of the time the promotions are boring and repetitive. Let’s get better, MLB.
How? I’m glad you asked, because I cooked up some ideas in the lab.
Take a look.
Bring Your Goat to the Game
The only way to break the curse is to let folks bring in those Billies.
Free Legal Advice by A-Rod Night
The slugger will win hearts back as he pays for lawyers to work in the concourses all night long giving the same level of treatment he got.
Blow Up Doll Giveaway
This isn’t for sex, sickos. This is to double the size of the crowd on TV.
Ryan Howard Giveaway
Literally, you can take him home for free. He’s tall. He can reach top shelves.
Cueto Countdown Clock Giveaway
A clock that counts down the time before Cueto leaves at the trade deadline.
Do-It-Yourself Jersey Giveaway
The team supplies the jersey and felt letters but it is up to you to keep up with the roster changes.
Dumpster Dive Lecture
“Learn how to get value from nothing” by Professor Billy Beane.
Quick Getaway Night
The first 10k fans get a pass that lets them by-pass traffic upon exit. Thus, allowing them to stay the whole game without traffic worries.
It is one way we help fans find their cars.
Shorts Pants Flashback Doubleheader
Any fan who wears 70s replica shorts to the day game will get a pair of pants for the night matchup.
Pajamas and Pillows Giveaway
Even we know how boring we are.
Men’s Grooming Kit Giveaway
… Because they aren’t using it.
House a Red Sox Night
We really don’t have room for all of these guys… can one of them come stay with you?
Cardboard Box Day
Each fan in attendance gets a box to take home and store… then bring back to the new suburban stadium.
Legends Throwback Night for #7
Let’s all remember that former Twin great, Joe Mauer.
Tulowitzki Fragile Bobblehead
Get a free mini-Tulo in April and if it is still in one piece in September then you get a free ticket.
Tulowitzki Jersey Night
Let’s be honest, since it is only a matter of time.
One-Page Calendar Giveaway
The calendar only features October since that seems to be the only month the team cares about.
San Jose Appreciation Night
Anyone from Oakland is barred from the station. He’s with us now, sweetie.
Sweaty Chevy Truck Guy Metal Beverage Cooler Giveaway
Who didn’t love that MVP awarding big man who stumbled his way into our hearts?
Youth Contract Day
Anyone under 14 in attendance gets signed.
Bingo Card Day
Every time you recognize a player, mark your card.
Fans Manage the Game
From the Bill Veeck playbook, the fans will manage from the stands using giant cards. This really isn’t a gimmick since the D-Backs have no clue what they are doing.
Luchador Mask Giveaway
Hide your shame, Arizona. Oh… they actually do this giveaway for real. (Evidently, so did the Padres.) Ouch.
Matt Harvey Giant Poster
The future of the franchise is much beloved but no one knows his face in the Big Apple.
2017 Calendar Giveaway
Not this year… not next year… the year after the year, we will be good.
Mea Culpa Chulpa Night
Every fan is greeted at the gate by Prince Fielder, who apologizes for last year and hands over a chulpa.
Leftover Medikit Day
We swear we are done with them.
The home heroes will wear their jerseys from the previous year.
Kids Piggybank Giveaway
It comes pre-broken.
Run the Bases for Us
Bum knees, kids. You understand, right?
Move us to the National League since it is our only chance.
“The Wire” Appreciation Day
Because nothing brings the key MLB demographic of old white men together quicker than someone gushing over Baltimore’s own “The Wire”.
Ryan Zimmerman Bobble-arm
No two throws are the same!
Raiders Test Night
Let’s see if the good natured Midwest folks can wear all black and spikes as a marketing test for the Raiders to take the Rams place.
“Greatest Fans in World” T-Shirts Giveaway
This is mostly for everyone else in the world. Instead of hearing the self-made boast by the Redbird Nation, we can just read the shirt.
Ryan Braun Souvenir Pee Cup with Free Miller
Presented by FedEx.
Mike Fiers Two Sticks Night
In honor of the man who throws under 90 but has a 9.17 k/9 rate. Since each K will take a long time, fans can rub the two sticks together long enough to get Fiers.
Please come to a game, Cleveland. We have LeBron tonight. 😀
Let us remember our great forefathers Pedro Cerrano and Ricky “Wild Thing” Vaughn.
Commemorative Cigar Night
Who says they can’t have a cigar for second place?
R.A. Dickey Fan Appreciation Night
Your beloved knuckleballer will throw out gifts to Section 102… no 104… nope, it’s heading back to 102, 104… 106… 104….
Home Run Ball Giveaway Presented by Giancarlo Stanton
There will be plenty.
And, to prove that I can make fun of my own team…
A Seattle Salute to the Patriots Night
In the 9th inning, the team will hand over the ball to anyone from Boston.
Russell Wilson Ceremonial First Pitch
… caught by a member of the Union of Household Butlers.
“It is Okay, Pete” Night
All stealing is banned. Seriously, no running.
Brian Reddoch is a CraveOnline reporter and rabid fan of all teams Seattle. You can follow him on Twitter @ReddReddoch or “like” CraveOnline Sports on Facebook.
Contributions from Bryce Wilson
Photo Credit: Getty