The Big List: Shutdown Ends Crazily! America’s Favorite Beer!

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Time to watch sports on TV, decide to own a piece of your favorite athlete, buy a bunch of shares in him, watch him kick ass on the field, see your shares surge in value, listen to his terrible rap album, watch his terrible movie, see your shares plummet in value, move your money into mutual funds and check out these links!

 

Heroic Broken Sewage Pipe Floods Congress With Human Waste (The Onion)

congress-human-waste-onion

http://www.theonion.com/articles/heroic-broken-sewage-pipe-floods-congress-with-hum,34237

The shutdown is over, but the sludgedown has just begun!

 

House Stenographer Loses It During Shutdown Vote

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2013/10/16/house-stenographer-shutdown-vote/2998607/

Maybe you can’t serve two masters…

 

Man Picks Up Restaurant Tab After Overhearing Strangers Getting Diagnosis

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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/16/stranger-overhears-diagnosis-pays-tab-_n_4109542.html

That guy deserves a Good Guy award, and if that doesn’t exist, let’s make it happen.

 

Want A Piece Of A Star Athlete? Now, You Really Can Buy One.

arian-foster

http://dealbook.nytimes.com/2013/10/17/want-a-piece-of-a-star-athlete-now-you-really-can-buy-one/

Finally, a way for athletes to make money!

 

Map: America’s Favorite Beers By State

usa-favorite-beer-map

http://www.slate.com/blogs/business_insider/2013/10/16/map_america_s_favorite_beers_by_state.html

I could actually go for a Blue Moon right now. Thanks for the suggestion, map!

 

That’s all for this this intoxicated edition of The Big List!

 

Geoffrey Golden is the Editor in Chief of The Devastator: The Quarterly Comedy Magazine For Humans!