15 Kinds of People You’ll See at This Year’s Super Bowl Party
There are a lot of great things about a Super Bowl party — the athletic feats of the teams, the competitive adrenaline rush, the tweetable halftime show, and the buffet of junk food and booze, just to name a few — but fellow football fans aren’t generally one of the upsides. Inevitably, any gathering of sports nuts will bring out the most extreme personalities, some of which may come precariously close to ruining the experience of watching the game. To help you mentally prepare for pigskin’s biggest event of the year, we’ve created a roster of the 15 kinds of people you’ll see at this year’s Super Bowl party. Don’t say we didn’t warn you!
Cover Photo: GLG3 (Getty Images)
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Watch out for this guy or you might end up hearing impaired by the time the Super Bowl's over. He's under the impression that he can communicate with his favorite team by hollering at the top of his lungs at the TV and there will be no convincing him otherwise.
The Drunk Dancer
He has no idea what's happening on the gridiron but that won't stop this wild-eyed guy from busting a move at every opportunity.
The Binge Eater
He's just here for the food, which he shovels down while everyone else is engaged with the game. Better get a serving of that cheese dip before it's gone.
You don't know who is under the mask, but you're terrified of him all the same. This guy is into football in a way no one should ever be into football. Try to avoid being alone with him in small, confined spaces.
It's only a matter of time before all his clothes come off and he's running around the party like a naked banshee. Hopefully that won't happen before you can get the hell out of there.
He's not really here to party and watch the game; he's here to document himself partying and watching the game for his whopping 30 Instagram followers.
The Silent But Serious Type
This guy is going through some emotional stuff as he watches the game -- but good luck getting him to verbalize it. Not that you want to know. Maybe it's better this way; his mime-like presence at the Super Bowl party is non-threatening and less annoying than you might think.
The Born-Again Fan
No, God isn't sitting around waiting to answer desperate prayers from football fans. He has better things to do. But try telling that to this born-again fan who thinks that the right combination of words and a perfectly timed Bible quote are all his team needs to succeed.
The Former Cheerleaders
Back in their day, they were as much of an attention draw as the college football players were. We get it. We really do. But right now, the last thing we want to see is former cheerleaders in bikinis trying to bring sexy back to the Super Bowl. That's what the halftime show is for, after all.
Wigs, face paint, costumes; these fans spare no expense (or ridiculous accessory) come game time. If only we were magicians who could make them and their antics disappear.
The Overenthusiastic Mom
We know you dated the high school quarterback in your day, mom, and are really into team spirit, but your celebratory dances are embarrassing beyond belief.
The Dorky Dad
This guy got stuck with the kids on Super Bowl Sunday and is just trying to stay relevant at the party by performing dangerous stunts with his spawn to impress his childless bros.
Football can be devastating, but is it really worth shedding tears for? This football fan is ready to turn on the water works at the first fumble and won't turn off the sprinklers until the game's over.
The Bored Couple
These posers reluctantly agreed to attend the Super Bowl party just because they didn't want to be left out, but their ho-hum attitude brings everyone else down.
The Fair Weather Fan
This fickle fan doesn't care which team comes out on top -- as long as he's wearing the champion team's jersey when the winning touchdown is scored.