RANKED! 9 Celebrities Who Should Have Never Made A Rap Album
We all know of famous rappers who stepped out of the rap game to dabble in acting (that’s a whole separate list) but what about celebrities who ill-advisedly put out rap albums? From child stars to pro athletes, comedians to A-list movie stars, it seems no one is safe from the siren’s call of the rap album. Though we know the phenomenon is far from over (watch Donald Trump drop a mixtape in 2020), here are the nine worst offenders who dared to cross the altar of hip-hop.
Photo: Ron Davis / Contributor (Getty Images)
9. Brian Austin Green
It was 1996 and anything was possible, even an entire rap album from Beverly Hills, 90210 alum, Brian Green. Green had this to say about the album at the time: "God I sound weird." We couldn't agree more, though the production on "One Stop Carnival" is kind of fire. Call it a guilty pleasure.
8. Joe Pesci
This onscreen gangster just couldn't help himself when he released his funky fresh single, "Wise Guy," in 1998. While the song failed to earn Pesci a Grammy, we're pretty sure it laid the groundwork for Fifty Cent's entire catalogue.
7. The Olsen Twins
Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen unleashed the ultimate diss track in 1994, with "B-U-T-T Out." At the height of the East Coast/West Coast rap wars, the twins were beefing hard with kid sister, Elizabeth. Luckily, the beef ended after someone bought all the girls ice cream, and the Olsen's rap empire ended before it could destroy the world.
6. Hulk Hogan
What is it with wrestlers and rap albums? After rising to the ranks of royalty inside the WWF, Hulk Hogan sought to expand his pop-culture kingdom with Hulk Rules. The beats are terrible and the rapping is exactly what you'd expect from a roided-up dude who wears bright yellow spandex for a living. If you want to rule as hard as Hogan once did, sneak "Beach Patrol" onto your next party playlist and watch the room freak out.
5. Kobe Bryant (Featuring Tyra Banks)
Many athletes have stepped into the studio to test their rap skills, but none have succeeded in failing so epically like NBA All-Star, Kobe Bryant. In a two-for-one display of people-who-shouldn't-be-making-an-album, Bryant enlisted the help of fellow non-rapper, Tyra Banks. K.O.B.E. is considered by most historians to be the low point in Western civilization.
4. Tom Hanks and Dan Akroyd
Thanks to the majestic minds of late '80s Hollywood, bad boy duo Tom Hanks and Dan Akroyd put out this cringe-worthy single in 1987 to support their buddy-cop flick, Dragnet. Though the track, (a passable imitation of the Beastie Boys), stank like a bucket of fish guts, it was way ahead of its time in the art of ruining an entire genre via corporate-fueled cultural misappropriation. Sweet.
3. Vin Diesel
Before he was getting fast and furious behind the wheel of a kit car in L.A., Diesel (aka Mark Sinclair) was a young MC and break dancer on the streets of New York. Somehow he hooked up with legendary cellist, Arthur Russel, on a hip-hop project the latter was dabbling in. Thankfully, the people involved were smart enough to bury the collaboration...until it exploded all over the internet years later. Check out the song that forced Diesel to keep his day job as international action star.
2. Crispin Glover
Best known for his work in Back to the Future (as well as bizarre appearances on Late Night With David Letterman), Glover stepped up to the mic in 1989 and dropped this doozy of an album. "Clowny, Clown, Clown" was the "hit" single and featured Glover's formidable rhyming skills in full effect. It can only be described as a slow-motion ear mauling by a gang of one-legged clowns wielding an array of half-melted plastic sporks.
1. Will Smith
OK, so Will Smith started out as a rapper spitting bars atop the slick beats of DJ Jazzy Jeff. But after achieving international success as a movie star, he should have left the rap game behind. Instead, he kept trotting out corporate rap albums that were less convincing than if the old lady from The Wedding Singer had put out a mixtape. Unfortunately, we see no signs of him, or any other incorrigible celebrities, stopping anytime soon. If he was our genie, you know exactly what our first wish would be.