Kanye West’s New Love For Hooded Robes Spurs Ascension to Emperor of the Galaxy
Toiling in darkness for two years, Kanye West’s secret project (which drops next year) isn’t an album–it’s an actual Death Star. The whole thing first began when West and his team got their hands on the Shroud of Turin and with it, made a birthday hoodie for West imbued with an ancient power. Days later, nosy neighbors tore down his low-income housing prototypes, angering Yeezy, and forcing him over to the dark side. Now, donning his limited-edition Sunday Service “Emperor’s” robe, West hopes to finish building his Death Star in the middle of Los Angeles before local community groups gather enough signatures to shut him down. It’s a race against time, as the rapper seeks to reinvent himself as ruler of the galaxy. Here’s what we know so far.
Photo: Kevorn Djansezian (Getty Images)
The Force Awakens
Days after receiving the shroud, West gave this press conference. We didn't know it at the time, but what he meant was that he was going to take over the galaxy.
Hammer of the Gods
Construction soon began and neighbors quickly complained again. But when the permit office came to shut him down for filing the wrong Death Star form, he straight pleaded ignorance and kept on hammering.
West's ambition to rule has been trickling out over the past two years in not-so-subtle ways.
Advice From His Mentor
He even called in a favor with POTUS to get him an internship on an Imperial Cruiser.
Ambition Runs Deep
Within six months, Yeezy quickly worked his way up to Imperial Commander of the fleet by implementing casual Fridays and throwing the best Christmas party the fleet had seen in years.
Climbing the Imperial Ladder
No slouch once inside the inner circle, it wasn't long before Kanye was on the other side of the control room's giant television screen, getting in tight with the big man himself, Chancellor Palpatine.
With Palpatine's retirement, West was next in line to take over the throne. The ascension was seamless.
Some say the power of the shroud is unstoppable. And because he only ever takes it off to wash, the only person who can truly stop him now is his dry cleaner.
Los Angeles Under Seige
With guards at every entrance to West's Death Star, it won't be long before we're all bowing to the emperor of hip-hop. Our only hope is if Childish Gambino/Lando Calrissian has an ace up his sleeve.