The Billy Hargrove Guide to Being a Misunderstood Badass (And Other Stranger Things)
Is Billy Hargrove of Stranger Things fame a badass? He seems to hit all the criteria: no one likes him, he beats up your friends, tries to bang your mom, and rocks a pretty lame mustache. However, if you’ve seen the newest season of his respective Netflix series, you may sympathize with the man in a way you may not have prior. For those of you wandering through life with a chip on your shoulder or just trying to understand the high school bully’s rage, here’s a handbook for that strange type of Billy Hargrove badass.
Warning: Minor spoilers for Stranger Things 3 follow.
Cover Photo: Netflix
Another handbook: The Chief Hopper Handbook to Being an Adult That Kids Will Respect (And Other Stranger Things)
You party hard.
You drive a sick whip.
That's a 1979 Camaro Z28, dinguses.
You smoke constantly.
Smoke 'em if you got 'em.
You never wear a shirt.
And why would you? These small fries need to know what is up. Assert your dominance.
Cutoffs are a must.
When you actually decide to wear a shirt, it's tastefully sleeveless, of course.
You know how to pick a fight.
That guy who has the perfect family life, thinks he's so cool, and gets all the girls? His reign is over. So you gather some Karate Kid wannabes to spit some hatred at the kid.
You give weirdly useful advice, even to people you hate.
"Plant your feet."
You reference your good advice later, just to point out that they haven't taken it.
Because you care.
You can take a hit.
As all badasses can.
You fight dirty.
And you always win, as you should.
Cologne-to-crotch is your go-to maneuver.
You do it for the ladies.
You love older women.
Sure, it might be creepy and definitely a bit Freudian but that's only because...well...
You have serious mommy issues.
The only person you ever had a connection with left. Before that, though, there were smiles and surfing. Why did she abandon you?
You also have serious daddy issues.
Sometimes you just drive while listening to Harry Chapin's "Cat's in the Cradle," wishing you had a less dysfunctional relationship with dear old dad.
You're always left out of the loop.
The Upside Down, physic children, the Mind Flayer, and Demogorgons. All these things mean nothing to you, but that's because...
Your sister and her friends don't like you.
You show up to town aiming for a fresh start, peeling in like a boss, bumping Scorpions' "Rock You Like a Hurricane," and sporting a freshly pressed (and frankly underappreciated) denim jacket. Not a single protagonist was impressed.
You act like you give zero fucks.
But you really care a lot.
Regardless, you don't worry.
Because you know, at the end of the day...
You're still a badass.
You remain as intimidating as can be, uncompromising, and true to yourself. Someday, everyone will see that you were just misunderstood.