A hero to unfulfilled housewives and gays for the last 25 years, Oprah celebrated her reign of talking over people in interviews and regifting lavish swag that advertisers unloaded at her back door by taping her final show at the United Center in Chicago to a crowd of 20,000. Then, I don’t know, she drank a virgin’s blood? How am I supposed to know? I wasn’t there. Jesus, what’s with all the questions? What are you, a cop?
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