Good God, Ashlee. You can’t help but be an eyesore, can you? Hard to look at, hard to listen to, hard to believe people over the age of twelve can stand you. If it weren’t for the obnoxious parasite that is your father and the evil whore that is Payola, we would never have met you or that dipshit sister of yours. The two of you are full-on Monets. The closer I get to you without the benefit of airbrushing and Photoshopping to take the harsh out of your horse-faces, the worse my vision gets. Your sharp features are bending my corneas all outta whack. It could also be the heat waves coming from your freshly cooked fake bake face are warping my eyesight. The cool part about being legally blind, thanks to you, is that I’ll get a handicapped parking pass. I can also get away with grabbing people’s genitals whilst feeling my way to the restroom. Thanks, Asslee. You rule.
Group of friends dancing and having fun together; Photo: Flashpop(Getty Images) A well-delivered toast can mean the difference between a…
