These reviews are not good

I’m going to do you all a favor and point your attention to the reviews of two movies you need not waste your money on seeing this weekend.

The first movie is Domino starring Keira Knightley which claims to be based on a true story but gets as close to being true to the real story as Keanu Reeves does to soap. Pajiba has a great review of the movie, so you can decide for yourself if it’s worth seeing.

There’s no reason to consider watching Elizabethtown because the only people who are saying it’s a great movie are the people who are paid to say it, and even then I’m hearing them mumble “bullshit” under their breath. MSN Entertainment sums up the movie quite nicely with a whopping 1 out of 5 stars and says things like,

Certainly the love story can’t be counted on. Kirsten Dunst and Orlando Bloom generate zero chemistry, and no wonder. The characters they’re playing couldn’t be more irritating. She’s a gabby flight attendant, he’s a suicidal industrial designer who has just created a $1 billion shoe-marketing fiasco, and it’s supposed to be love at first sight when they meet on the plane that’s taking him to his father’s funeral in Elizabethtown, Kentucky.”

They were dead on balls accurate when they cast Kirsten Dunst as an annoying chick who never shuts up. Cameron Diaz would have also been a great choice for that role, but I digress. They made a huge mistake by casting Dunst as the ‘love interest’, however. That’s just not believable. I mean, look at her in these pictures from the New York premiere of Elizabethtown with her pancake face and snaggle teeth. She’s obviously covered her mug and torso in all that shimmer to try and distract our attention from her mangled set of fangs, but all it did was make her look like sharp edged disco ball. Next time she should just do us all a favor and glue a bunch of mirrors to her face so we can look at anyone else but her when we look at her.

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That’s not Keira Knightley’s butt