What Your Favorite Pizza Topping Says About You

Handmade fresh fire baked pizza. Photo: carterdayne (Getty).

Are you curious what kind of dude you are, based on your pizza delivery preferences? We break it down for you below. (Hint: there’s only one right answer.)


You are but a man-child. You think you can fill that emotional void with salty, greasy meat, but you are mistaken.


You’re difficult to get along with – not so much a people person, and would much rather live in a hollowed-out tree in the forest than have to interact with others.


Peppers? This transparent attempt at something “different” merely draws attention to your sameness. Nice try, though!


Mean and spiteful, much? Like the olives you adore, your heart is small, black and salty.

Pineapple and Ham

You probably insisted your mom put jellybeans on top of your dinner as a child to make it “taste better.” You simply cannot stand the idea of being an adult, can you?




You are gassy, but you don’t realize it. Additionally, no one wants to share your little farmers market pizza, so just grab your yoga mat and go.


Remember what happened to the fat guy in Se7en? Your gluttony is only eclipsed by your compulsive tendency to self-medicate.

Quattro Formaggi

Just because you use fancy Italian words doesn’t mean you’d be any less pleased with Velveeta, Kraft Singles, grated parmesan and canned queso. Can you even breathe?

Tomato and Basil

Are you wearing leather loafers when it’s 93 degrees outside? And, no, we do not want to hear about your “travels.”


Security! Please, sir, just step away from the plate. It’s the first step to healing.


You’re not serious, are you?


You’re fearless! The thought of eating ground-up hooves, snouts and ears doesn’t phase you in the least. You’re unafraid and not interested in reality whatsoever. If it’s chewy, you love it, and we commend you for that.

Related: Make Sriracha Chicken Wings at Home. Swear, They’re Easy!